I’m Done.

I watched this movie on the way from Chiang Mai to Phuket, Thailand. It was a children’s movie called Hugo about a boy who’s father dies. Before he died, they were working together on building clocks and other machines. He hopes that if he builds the machine, it will send him a message from his father. After his father’s death, the boy was striving to get this particular machine to work. He tried everything and couldn’t get the right parts. When talking to a toy maker, the boy says:
 
“Maybe that's why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn't able to do what it was meant to do… Maybe it's the same with people. If you lose your purpose… it's like you're broken.”
 
Although this was a children’s movie, it struck me in a significant way. I re-realized that as we grow up, we are created in a certain way. A way that makes it natural for us to find joy in the little things, to worship the Father with our lives through our curiosity and the passions He has given us. Somewhere along the way, through different people and different influences, we are shoved into this mold that we were never meant to fit.  We allow others to shape us and mold us through expectations rather than allowing the Father free reign in our lives to use us as He wills. Often, it’s unnerving and robs us of joy. It’s not that others are vindictively trying to sway us, they are just doing as they have been taught by the world.
 
I am seeing a shift in my generation. I am seeing that we want more and are willing to go get it. The problem is, we are starving for the generation above us to push us forward. We are longing for even just one person to invest and push us. What gets in the way is that we are being pushed into worldly things, when what we are really yearning for is to be pushed towards the Lord. We are pushed towards good things, and being redirected from the best thing. I have had incredible opportunities put in front of me before coming on the Race, and also while being here. Some things I have chosen to please the Lord, and the majority of others I have chosen to please people in my life. I have realized that I have come to a point where…
 
I AM DONE.
 
I’m done pleasing the world.
I’m done choosing good things over choosing the best thing.
I’m done being a woman who walks in expectation rather than obedience.
I’m done settling for what the world says is good and the Lord says is mediocrity.
I’m done living in fear and feeling like my life has to be picture perfect in order to look like I’m succeeding at something.
I’m done with the world’s view of success.
I’m done with the notion that happiness is 2.5 kids and a white picket fence.
I’m doing striving for things that have no eternal value.
I’m done choosing opportunities over choosing the Lord because it will look good to other people.
 

 
I have seen too many people settle, and I choose not to be one of them, even at the expense of peoples’ perceptions of me. Please don’t get me wrong, I know there are great jobs, there are great schools, and there is responsibility. I know that you can be satisfied where you are. What I am saying is that I don’t want to take an opportunity because it’s good, I want to say yes to where the Lord is leading and allow Him to allow those opportunities to come, with confidence that they came from Him.

 
Ultimately, obedience is my focus. To seek first the kingdom and His righteousness. It may look different to the world, and in all honesty, I hope it does. Some may call it foolish living, some may call it radical living, and I will choose to simply call it living. I will live with the Lord and say yes to the creator as His creation.
 
Often we fear walking into what the Lord is asking us. We fear it because we take our eyes off of Him and we look to the left and to the right to see what people are thinking. When we take our eyes off the Lord is when the fear sets in. The Lord has gone before and He can see the whole picture. We only see a fragment of it, and what we will “lose” if we choose it. I was sitting on the beach with my friend the other day, talking about this and he brought up a good point. He says we can take a picture and show it to someone and they can think it looks amazing, but they only see a fraction of it, and miss the surroundings. We do the same with God. We present Him with a picture of what our life could look like, and He chuckles and says, “Yeah, that’s great, but I have a bigger picture and I can see the whole thing. Trust me with it. Even the little bit you see, you can’t see with the eyes that I can.” If we trust that God is good, we need to dream big, but allow Him to dream bigger for our lives. Sometimes, bigger to God can look smaller to the world, but it is always better.

 
Even on the Race, I have sometimes allowed others to give me my worth, even knowing it can’t come from them. I have walked into it, and the Lord has walked me out of it a few times. It is sometimes hard to love people and be in relationships while holding onto their words loosely and allowing the Lord to tell you who you are. I got to a vulnerable place recently of feeling a sense of unworthiness. The Lord redirected me and said, “I didn’t bring you to this place, but it doesn’t mean I can’t use it. Do you get it now? I love the world without allowing the world to define me. My people don’t define me. I am the I AM, my identity is firm and secure. Because of who I am, and because of who you are in Me, your identity is also firm and secure. No one and nothing else can define you.” Amen to that.
 
The point of this blog is to encourage older generations to push younger generations to the Lord. He will help them figure out the rest, but be aware of pushing them towards things that don’t matter. Life is so short, push them towards the eternal. It is to remind you where your worth should come from. But, ultimately, it’s to encourage you to walk as men and women of obedience, not expectation. That is where joy is found.