As my time in the United States begins to dwindle down to days instead of months, I find myself wondering. Wondering what my life will look like, who I will meet, the relationships I will make. The past two months have been pretty interesting for me. I have struggled pretty greatly with putting myself out there for fundraising, with anxiety about my gear, with maintaining the current relationships I have with my friends, and mostly with my relationship with the Lord.
You would think that someone who is about to become a missionary would have that part pretty figured out, right? Like.. how could someone travel the world and spread the gospel without already being secure in their relationship with Jesus?? Well, that’s me.
I’ve been running from the Lord. I’ve created reasons almost every single day to avoid reading and studying the scripture. I’ve not been praying as much. And I’ve not been trusting Him. WHY? I know I’m wrong in what I’m doing and I know I should be better.
The other day, I was reading my Bible for the first time in weeks, and I came across a verse that brought SO much peace to my heart and my worries.
“Do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Matthew 10:19-20
OF COURSE.
I have been so selfish and undeserving of the privilege to go change the lives of others because it isn’t ME who is changing their lives, its HIM. The Lord chose me to embark on this adventure because it is His plan for me. And yet again, as I have done so many times before, I have doubted Him and His plan.
I’ve been avoiding Him because I didn’t think I was good enough to do this. That I wasn’t great enough for this great opportunity. But that isn’t my decision to make, because He has already made it for me. I’m not “brave” for going on this trip, I’m simply following God’s plan for me and I’m putting ALL of my trust and faith in Him.
I am out of reasons to run.
I leave for training camp in 5 days (AHHH!!) to meet my new family and learn more about what life will be like on the race.
There is still some money to be raised, though. My financial deadlines have changed and allow me more time to raise. I still have to have $9,000 by camp. Right now I have around $8,000, but they have graciously allowed me to still go to camp as long as I continue to raise funds for the next deadline! Here they are:
August 21st: $10,500
October 31st: $12,491 (fully funded)
If I have monthly donors that will give enough to fully fund me by February of next year, then I won’t have to be fully funded until then.
I am SOOO grateful for all of you who have believed in me and supported me so far. I couldn’t have done it without y’all!!
If you have not yet supported, please just take a moment to pray about it and consider donating. It would mean the world to me!
So I found this video around the time I applied and forgot about it until some of my squad mates posted it on Facebook the other day! It gave me chills, put me to tears, and left me with a huge grin on my face and excitement in my heart back then, and still did when I watched it just before writing this.
This is from a gap year race a couple of years ago. It gave me a little glimpse at what my life will look like for these 9 months and I could not be more excited! 🙂 Watch it. You won’t be disappointed.
