There is a certain amount of idiocy tied to seeking the Lord. An earthly love consists primarily of the hope for happiness and an ignorance to the inevitable brokenness, for we thrive most within a status of comfort . . . or so it seems. Within our relationships here, we are enabled to require particular and persistent standards for the one whom we love most on this spinning ball of chaos. We demand fair feelings and the constant lavishing of kindness upon ourselves from our earthly love – we give no grace to their inherent shortcomings. Without the uneasy awareness of the oblivion we face in this love on earth, we rest in bliss, in ignorance, in naivety. We watch longingly, intently, on the future that we’ve created, marveling at its appearance, yet we fail to see its utter vanity.
This love grasps fruitlessly at the idea of security and acceptance and peace. When the inevitable finally comes to pass, our delicately crafted future crumbles into the abyss.
We can’t avoid it here- the heartbreak and the sobs that force us to gasp for just enough air to support the next instants, moments of our fragile little lives- yet we continually seek out this attention. We live with the pressures of a broken and fallen society’s standards, and they overwhelm us with an unsurmountable failure………
My friends, there is more for us.
We pray for God’s hand to guide us with mere gentleness, disregarding His perfect discernment in leadership. We beg Him strictly for happiness and prosperity- ultimately limiting His movement. We ask only for healing, never for the aching of His heart in us. Brothers and sisters, family, when did we gain the authority to shrink the almighty, all-powerful Creator of the Universe into the constructs of our simple minds? Moreover, when did we permit ourselves to belittle His mighty hand that we may remain comfortable in this world ridden with our own evil and sin? I plea that you will consider the severity of our error in this, family: when did we rank the discomfort of our hearts over the breaking of our Lord’s?
It isn’t intricate. It isn’t incomprehensible. It isn’t even abstract. We feel things in our lives so deeply, so personally, and so powerfully. The possibility that our feelings are only a microscopic quantity of the intensity of His has deterred us from the true intentions of God’s gift of feeling.
We weren’t given joy to produce lust or even happiness. We weren’t given sorrow to construct fear nor hardened hearts. We weren’t blessed with love to establish bliss nor perfection. Nae, my beloved bretheren, these feelings are from the Lord for one sole purpose: to captivate us in the heart of the Lord that He might compel us to extend His kingdom to this dark, hurting world.
Men and women of Christ, it is time to wake up! We must cease our fruitless prayers for simple, earthly feelings in attempts to create comfort and die entirely to ourselves and this world. We must surrender our hearts and genuinely cry out, “Abba! Father! Please break my heart for what breaks Yours. Use me, oh Lord! Create in me a vision of those around me as You see them that I might begin to feel Your heart more. My God. My God. I will wait for Your hand that You might use this small, temporary life to bring glory to Your mighty name. I await Your intervention eagerly.”
It is time to wake up.
This brings me back to the inherent touch of idiocy that accompanies a life surrendered to Christ, with which I leave you this: there is great beauty in a heartbreak from the Lord, for He has much, much larger plans for you than sobbing in vain. The tears you shed from His heart will not be forgotten or disregarded, they will ignite a fire that changes the world.
Okay then! Now that I have thoroughly confused you with my thoughts from the plane we took from Qatar to Johannesburg, I’ll give you my reasoning behind it:
For the past few weeks my heart has been very heavy. I have felt sorrow for those led astray by false prophets and those who are untouched entirely by the Light. Most of all, before I left the US, my heart was heavy for children living in brokenness. I foolishly thought that arriving in a poverty ridden area would somehow alleviate this heaviness… I was so wrong! I have had the opportunity to begin building relationships with groups of children and women in Nsoko, Swaziland. This small village is bursting with hospitality and love and gentle people, but it is also filled with broken families and sad situations. I came here thinking that my heart would lighten because I get to serve these people well, and it truly does feel so full while I’m serving, but once I take the time to process their situations my heart feels weighted. In trying to reason through the tears I was crying for these awesome kids, I realized that God was answering my prayer. For the past bit of time I have been praying for God to break my heart for what breaks His. I guess I didn’t know what I was asking for because it has been a LOT of tears! I am so enjoying the ministry here because God is truly doing great things in Swaziland! Yay for miraculous healings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am overjoyed that I am being used by the almighty, all-powerful Lord of the freaking Universe!!! How dang cool is that?!?!?!?!?
So, so many stories to share when I have better wifi!
Much love,
Laura 9.20.17
