I am sitting on a rooftop in Medellín and looking out on the sparkling lights that represent untold thousands of anonymous people, and as I see them blinking, I ask myself “why am I here?” “Why do I even bother with all of this?” “Why are people paying fifteen thousand dollars so I can sit here and type?” “Why!?”
I know that God has moved in incredible ways through fundraising, getting me to training camp, and to Medellín, not to mention what He has done in the very impressive five days I have been here, but, like Job’s friends, I continue shaking my diminutive fist and keep asking God WHY!? Why Medellin, why THIS place, why THESE people and, above all, why ME!? But, as the well-intentioned friends of Job were silenced, I, too, am silenced by wisdom that speaks from whirlwinds and fire, asking “where were you when the world was created?”, and “do you know the location of the storehouses of sleet and hail?”. The honest answer is “I really don’t know”. My soul may have been pre-existent, or it may not have been, and maybe these storehouses may be metaphorical, or they may be literal, but the fact that I don’t know the answer points out that divine reason obviously far exceeds mine.
So, when divine reason has commanded me to “Go”, the only valid question was “where?”, and it seems like that is a part of the reason I am here, sitting and typing. In addition, I think that another part of the reason for which I am here is the fact that I have seen that there is a tangible darkness in the world that desperately needs sparkling lights in its midst, but until I experience it firsthand, I think that my reactionary pain will not be true compassion unless I go and do something about it. Maybe another part of the reason is because my presence here will be able to bless someone else, and maybe another part is because I will be tremendously blessed, and maybe there are many other reasons for which I am here, most of which are probably far beyond my understanding.
So, here I am, sitting and typing and wondering and asking, but ultimately feeling an incomplete understanding and a shaky confidence in the next nine months and my purpose here. So, I guess, here goes trusting God to reveal His purpose on this trip.
