It is strange how many things can change in such a year…
Looking back to my life about a year ago, I was toying with the idea of taking a Gap Year, specifically this one with the World Race. Back then, I thought the whole thing was absolute madness, but deep inside, my wild side was prodded by the Holy Spirit and so, I took the quiz, passed (kind of), applied, was accepted, attended training camp, launched, and then lived happily ever after. JK. Above all the other apt adjectives I could apply, the World Race has been HARD; I’ve been pushed, pinched, and pulled in ways I didn’t even imagine. If you’ve been following my journey, you know that I have literally cried over spilled milk, suffered through culture shock multiple times, overcome language barriers, dealt with homesickness, survived community life, contused my collarbone, and done more stupid things than I would care to admit.
However, despite the many daily challenges of the race, in the back of my mind there was ALWAYS a small nagging caveat to all of this adventure, a caveat labelled $14,701 USD. Before coming, I asked myself “who am I to go and spend three times as much as the annual minimum wage to minster in foreign nations, when it could easily be used for charitable work in my own beloved country?”. To this, God answered “It’s not your money, anyway, and plus, if you really want to follow me, you should go when I send you”. Being left with no other option by a God that knows that my unruly self needs a firm hand, I huffed “fine” and decided to take a leap of faith and go on the world race anyway without even the slightest idea of how I was going to fundraise.
Before starting the race, I was (and still am) greatly encouraged by the story of Reverend Charles Mueller and the orphanages funded by faith and prayer, given the story about the multiplication of the loaves and fishes (Matt.14.13-2, Mk. 6.31-44, Lk.9.12-17, Jn.6.1-14), and believed in the promise “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want” (Ps.23.1, KJV). Mind, this was not a confession of allegiance for the prosperity Gospel; God is not a slot machine into which you insert prayers, pull the lever, and take a chance to win blessings. I didn’t want “health and wealth”, I wanted to follow and obey the Lord and give my life to build His kingdom. And since I believed that the Kingdom was what I sought first, I believed that the promise “all these things [life, food, drink, clothing] shall be added unto you” applied to me. (Matt.6.33, KJV)
Since I was convinced that the place where I was supposed to build the kingdom was through the World Race, I carefully consumed all the AIM tutorials and took meticulous notes at training camp. But, I’m afraid I’m innately awful at fundraising, starting with the fact that the whole idea of asking people for support makes me cringe. However, since I firmly believed (and still do) that God had sent me to every place I’ve been, I started praying like crazy. In faith, I sent out emails, talked to people, blogged fanatically, started a facebook page, made a video, and even tried a buy-a-box fundraiser. Most of these efforts failed miserably, but I learned that God does not rely on my broken attempts, and instead prefers to bless me through the crazily generous gestures of His people. So, somehow, despite the usual bother about international currency exchange, God met the first two fundraising deadlines of $5,000 USD (July), and $10,000 USD (September).
And so, seeing the end of the painful and treacherous road of support miraculously in sight, I confess that I slacked on the whole fundraising effort and the goal of being fully funded by December. Since my deadline was graciously extended indefinitely, if I’m going to be honest, I forgot all about it. I was absorbed into ministry and the affairs of everyday life. I stopped praying for support daily, stopped “bothering” people, complacent in the idea that “God will provide”, panicked about the whole thing once in a while, and then promptly forgot about it. However, now I find myself, $1,862 USD short of my goal, and left with precisely 24 days to become fully funded. Wait, what!? When!?
With this bleak reality hanging like a dark cloud over my head, I do not claim that God is any less faithful to His promises, or that He will no longer provide, but I do claim that I am a fickle human being that has stopped asking for provision, and since God is a gentleman, He chose to not shower blessings unasked. Nevertheless, despite my wanderings, He is still my shepherd. I shall not want.
So, as Martin Luther never said, “here I stand, I can do no other”. I am currently at the end of my proverbial line and write this blog really more as a confession of faith and repentance than a blog per se; faith that God WILL provide, and repentance for forgetting to ask Him to. So, as I finish this race, hoping against hope that I will be fully funded before I leave field, I claim Philippians 4:4-7 as my battle-cry;
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”
