Hello from Ethiopia! It’s been one crazy, tough, and fun ride, but it’s not over yet. We have just a few days left before going to KENYA! This country has been difficult for me culturally, and I’ve had to put into practice things I’ve preached to others. It’s a challenge every day to love people the way Jesus loves them because of how unsafe and uncomfortable I feel here. But there’s not a day that goes by where I’m not continuously hearing the voice of the Lord saying to me, “Hear that man on the street who is calling out to you? I love him as much as I love you. That woman on the street who just asked you for money? I love her too, and so should you.” I will admit I have failed at loving everyone here as Jesus does. I find myself thinking unkind thoughts about people I encounter here, which I don’t like to confess because it shows my faults, but God is continuously working on my heart.
In my free time, I read a lot. One of the books I recently finished is called A.D. 30 (Recommended by Tom. Thanks, dude.), which is a historical fiction about a woman in Arabia, Maviah, who meets Jesus, and He completely changes her life. I was jolted out of my sleep one night with the words of that book echoing in my head, reminding me to put my trust in Jesus and not in the storm. I can’t really explain it, but it felt like the words of Jesus in that book were just for me. Fear of the storm means lack of faith, and lack of faith means lack of trust in Him. It opened my eyes to how fearful I’ve been this whole time. I’ve been fearful of rejection, fearful of failure, fearful of not being good enough, and fearful of not being accepted and loved. And as Jesus gave Maviah new eyes to see, I felt my own heart being healed. I felt the wonder I experienced when first getting to know Jesus return, and I was filled with renewed hope. I later fell back to sleep and had a rather gross dream about an apple that was growing beneath my skin on my calf. I pulled it out and could see straight through to my muscles and bone. I looked inside the wound and could see remaining seeds and a small rock. I shook them out, and the rock burned my hand when catching it, but my wound was clean and could be bandaged. Often times apples are used to represent the forbidden fruit, the fruit Adam and Eve ate in the Garden. The great lie. A lie had been planted in me so deeply that when it was finally removed, my innermost parts were exposed. The lie was that I am incapable of being loved by anyone, wanted by no one, and hated by everyone. But I am finally clean, and I can finally heal. God removed the lie from my mind, heart, and soul, and I’ve never felt so free.
I was granted another vision just yesterday during our squad church service. I was trying to climb up a cliffside, and I was so angry because others around me were getting helped and I wasn’t. I was doing it all on my own, but I was losing strength and knew I couldn’t do it on my own much longer. I was always the type to suffer in silence, always mad at the world for my insecurities and struggles. I used to hide and lie and tell people I’m alright because I didn’t think people actually cared, or I thought people couldn’t help me so it was just best to deal with my problems on my own. This left me bitter and closed off to people, even my previous team. In my vision, I heard God say to me, “Just cry out.” The other people in my vision were already at the top of the cliff. They couldn’t see me from their perspective, so of course, they couldn’t help me! I had to ask for help from others before I could be helped. I shared this in front of the squad yesterday, so I now share it with you. If you are struggling with something, if you’re feeling lonely, rejected, burdened, or scorned, call out to the people around you instead of sitting in the pity party you’ve thrown for yourself. No one but the Lord knows what’s going on inside your head. Call out to the Lord as well. The people around you can help, but only He can heal your heart.
