Yesterday– one of our last days in Vietnam– my teammates and I rode through the mountains of Da Nang on the back of our Vietnamese friends’ motorbikes. During our trip, there was a moment when it hit me.
As we flew across the bumpy road, the cityscape broke and all I could see for miles were circular fishing boats drifting on a turquoise ocean. Forested mountains wrapping around the edge of the water reached up to the sky above our heads.
Then it hit me:
My life is never going to be the same again.
After all the hardships, vulnerability, lessons learned, people I’ve met, things I’ve done, and sights I’ve seen, how could I possibly be the same?
When I return to America in two months, I don’t want to be the same person I was 11 months ago. I’ll be full of regret If I comeback as the same Laura Berg who watched netflix to avoid her problems, lived in shame and hurt from her past, and believed lies about who she was.
That Laura Berg doesn’t exist anymore.
That’s not who I am anymore.
And in all honesty, I’m so afraid of going back to my old self. When my feet hit the ground in the Minneapolis airport and I hug my friends and family again; when I start eating American food and going to work; when I shop at Target or hang out with friends at our favorite restaurants, I’m afraid of how easy it will be to fall into who I was.
Yesterday on the motorbike with a view of Vietnam displayed in front of me, God spoke to me.
“My darling, you’ll never be who you were before again.”
I’m writing this today to declare who God has told me I am. To tell you, who have followed my journey for so long, just a few of the truths I have learned about myself these past nine months.
Read carefully, friend, because I know these truths are about you too.
I am loved. I am deeply loved.
I am pursued. I am romanced. I am chased after by the One who will never disappoint or leave me.
My past does not define who I am now.
What I’ve done and what people have said about me is not who I am.
God loves me for who I am now, not for who I think I should be.
I have a voice and people want and need to hear what I have to say.
I have a variety of gifts to offer others. When I don’t pick them up and use them for others, then I’m not using them how God intended me to.
My Father has a specific plan for me. I could choose to not be a part of it and He could still get the work He needs done without me. But He wants to choose me to be a part of the good, good story He has for me.
My life is not my own. Loving God and following Him is such a small gift for what He’s given me, but it’s all He wants of me.
I am completely loved. I am completely free.
Exactly two months until I return home and I’m telling you now, thanks to God’s grace, I’m not going to be who I was before.
