I went into training camp blind. I tried my hardest to read other’s blogs to find out what to expect. What I did not expect was to return so hungry. There was a literal sense of being hungry, but more than the physical, my soul was hungry.
I thought I was ready to go into the field without any training. Oh boy, was I wrong. Training camp showed me my true identity in Christ. Training camp put me in a situation where I was surrounded by my entire squad, who is in the exact same season of life as myself. I learned how to set up my tent at training camp, which I expected to learn, but I also learned so much more about myself. I learned what facades I use to not let myself get close with others. I identified who my false self was. I let myself put down those walls and get vulnerable with my squad. I was so afraid of rejection, but to my surprise they had been through the same things.
In the midst of the chaos of camp I was trying to identify in the moment how I was feeling and the only thing I could think was “I feel light”. I felt like a weight had been taken off of me. I had finally let God take on some of the things in my life that I felt such shame in. I did not want to give them to Him because I was afraid to admit I struggled with them. I was afraid to speak out loud because I thought nobody else felt that way. Shame is fear based, from the enemy, and is undone by speaking it out loud.
I have been home for 2 days. The days of sharing a platter of food for eight is over. My family has satisfied the small physical hunger that lingered the length of training camp, but a bigger hunger still resides in me. A hunger, desire, and need to become closer with God. A hunger to not let what the enemy tells me get in the way of the great things God has in store for me. A hunger that will only grow the more I feed it and a hunger that I will gladly seek wholeheartedly.
