Dear Future Me,
11 months is a long time in it of itself. Yet spending it abroad away from your family, and without a regular routine by any means might make it seem even longer.
Last weekend I spent my last few days in Ventura, where I have spent the last 4 years at a church in the town I went to college. Thursday night we had all service prayer and at the end our senior pastor, Jude, called all the 18-34 year olds up to the front to be prayed for. He called me out. He was there through all of my time in Ventura, most of the people in that room had been. “ This young woman lost her brother to the war, yet here she is about to go on missions. I would have cussed every day if I were her.” He said. Those words hit me so hard; it was like I overcame something I should not have. I remember being at such a low place, 2 hours away from my parents, isolated— questioning why God would take my 21 year-old brother who had a 4-month-old daughter.
In the same instance I remembered that while I was in Ventura I was missing a memorial service for a father who had four children at the Christian k-12 school I graduated from. I had coached every single one of his kids, and the eldest twin girls were about to enter their junior year in high school before his unexpected tragic aviation accident. Stephanie specifically had been on my heart since I had heard the news. When I wrote her, I remembered the pain I had experienced only a few years ago. Someone so close to you, who slipped away before you expected them to leave. I made a promise to a 17-year-old girl that day that I wouldn’t say “ let me know if you need anything”, because that phrase, I know from every person who gave condolences had said. I promised to pray for her everyday for a very long time.
I promised myself that I would check on her, even if that meant while I was halfway around the world on this mission. That day I saw a little bit of me in that teenage girl. I felt my heart sink as I thought about how hard it was for me. Even after that hurt in my gut, I smiled. I was happy because my situation had given me an opportunity to share with someone else that was walking in my footsteps. I smiled because God had shown me that my heart was for young girls. My heart was for discipleship.
So what are my dreams, prayers, thoughts, hopes, questions… and what is my pack’s name?
I dream to find my true identity in Christ. I left Ventura with a heavy heart, because everyone thought I was just saying goodbye for a year, but I feel called somewhere else. I felt like God was saying that my identity in Him wasn’t based on a church, or by a difficult season I had been through while living in Ventura. I dream to fulfill my purpose. I dream to see things I never could have even imagined while on the race.
I pray to be diligent. I pray that God would increase my self-discipline as the race goes on and the more I practice it. I pray that God would exceed me and my entire teams’ expectations on this race.
I hope to get everything out of this experience that I can. I put my whole life on pause for an entire year to follow after God. I signed a contract that I wouldn’t pursue any relationships, that I wouldn’t be distracted. I know God will bless me in fulfilling and being obedient to what is asked of me.
Thoughts? I am truly honored to spend a year as a servant of Jesus Christ. I am excited to see eleven nations and their own cultures. I am ready to see God move in these countries who may seem far away, but the hunger they will have will be so close to home.
Questions? I wonder where my after 11n11 is. I wonder whom I’ll marry. I wonder where I will be planted into ministry, but I am content knowing that God is in control, and right now I get to just love on people.
Last, but not least—what is my pack’s name? Well she is green (which reminds me of dinosaurs)… so I shall name her littlefoot. (I have a love for land before time) I would also like to acknowledge my travel companion, Norman. He is a blue little Gnome and will be making some photo appearances throughout the race 🙂
Love Always,
Lo Acosta
#lauratothenations
