I’m currently in Malawi, finishing up my 21st month of the World Race in the last half of my nine months leading Gap P.
I thought maybe when I squad led the first time, a year ago now, that I’d maxed out on my ability to learn more about abandonment and what it looks like to continually give things up.
The capacity of my pack has decreased each time I’ve entered the field and it honestly hasn’t been out of a desire to abandon more, to try and live with less— its mostly because on travel days I’m lazy and carrying a 50lb duffle bag filled with things I rarely use, sounds less and less appealing. I only have a 45 liter pack now, but returning home and to the field multiple times has taught me a sweet lesson about what I enjoy, what I value, and makes me question “what’s worth carrying”— in a physical sense.
So yes, I’ve learned about abandonment since the beginning of this season back in September 2015. I’ve learned so much about the aspect of physical abandonment, but at this point two and a half years later living out of a backpack has become normal— it’s what I’ve grown used to.
The Lord has prompted me to think about what, more than the physical, how I’ve had to step deeper into abandonment.
As I sit in a house outside of Lilongwe, Malawi in a house with no electricity or gas, I think of how I’ve had to sacrifice for the past two months by being in two separate villages in two completely different countries. There are even people on my squad that have more privilege than I, but in the name of letting go— I know I’m gaining so much.
I’ve abandoned possessions, I’ve sacrificed family, I’ve missed more weddings, funerals, and celebrations than I’d like to admit— but it’s all been in the name of obedience and for the sake of the gospel. And I see that as worth it.
I’ve had to recognize what I’ve given up and I think it has been good for me to look back and see all I have missed by being here. It also gives me the sweet privilege of seeing what I’ve gained by leaving the United States. The culture, perspective, and way I’ve seen the Lord work in the most beautiful ways.
My heart posture is what I really think is what I’ve gained from abandonment. To walk in obedience to the Lord past my understanding has grown my trust in Him. I’ve seen the sweet sides of agreeing to give up things in shorter spurts of time— like fasting from media or saying yes to things I don’t want to. The way that I view what the Lord is doing absolutely changes everything. If I look at things at an entitled point of view, wondering why he is “taking things away from me”— how is that allowing my trust in the Lord to grow? If my perspective is holding my life and the things I hold closest to me— in open hands towards the Lord, how could I even think that He isn’t for me?
The reality of life is that with each decision we make we’re giving up other things. Making plans with someone means forfeiting each opportunity that comes up afterwards. And where I’m sitting in Africa— in the middle of the bush— may be slightly more extreme than where you read this from, but the question is still the same.
What are you willing to abandon in the name of Jesus?
