Those who know me well know patience is not my strong suit- so, naturally, that is the very fruit of the Spirit God has chosen to focus on growing in this season of my life. (Thank you, Lord, for continuing to make me more like you, even when growth is difficult!)
As many of you may know, I’ve wanted to go on the Race since I was 17. I waited in anticipation of being old enough, applied when I was 20, and was accepted for the (first generation) W Squad- set to launch in July 2011. I, very quickly, took my eyes off God, lost my nerve, and quit, mere months after I signed up. A burst of excitement fizzled out when the ground began to shake and the water started to rise.
In January 2015, I signed up for the Race and was accepted, but not for the 10/40 Window route I applied for. They asked if I would like to go on one of the other routes launching in January- I was disappointed but understood their reasoning and I felt lead to continue. With excitement, I prepared to launch in January 2016 with (fourth generation) B Squad.
January 2016 has now come and gone- and I am here.
Now, I am preparing to launch in October 2016 with (what I am assuming is 4th generation) M Squad.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine at 25 years old, I would still be preparing to go on the World Race.
Still waiting.
In a thousand different ways, I am not the same person I was when I first signed up for the race 5 years ago. (The fact I have stuck with this for almost a year is the most basic proof of that.) In a million different ways, I am not the same person I was when I first heard of the World Race, 8 years ago. I don’t think even I would recognize the girl I was then.
Even after all this time, patience is not my biggest strength. I just want to go already. No more prep, no more fundraising, no more support letters, no more training and waiting and talking and wishing and hoping and…
In my mind, this waiting has been wasted time! (Lord, wouldn’t you rather I had spent the last 8 years out in the world, preaching your Gospel?) I feel guilty, like I am especially stubborn and God keeps having to delay my launch because there is some lesson that I refuse to learn… I compare myself to my B (and W…) Squad mates, what did I do wrong? What is the defect in me that God still needs to fix?
It’s discouraging, unbelievably discouraging, right now. Can I have a frank, human moment and admit I’m tired? Admit that the past year has felt a little, a lot, like I have been swimming against the current and I just can’t… (don’t really want to?…) do it anymore? I still am excited to go on the Race, I’m just of the opinion that I have prepped enough now, thank you!
Thankfully, I serve the God who is in control of everything. I don’t know why it has taken me this long to launch, and I may never know, but what I do know, without a doubt, is nothing surprises Him. He knew, before I took my first breath, every step I would take, every decision, every action. He knows me, so much better than I know myself. He knows His timing is what’s best for me, and won’t settle for anything other than His best, all for the glory of His name!
So what to do when the race (before the actual Race) seems like a never-ending marathon and you, seriously, thought you only signed up for the 100-meter dash?
I repent of my impatience, take a deep breath, and, as it says in Hebrews, “…lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
