This past week, I had a period of about 24 hours where God completely showed up and challenged me.
12/20, Evening:
One of the homes we stopped at while caroling!
We had such an awesome time Christmas caroling with our host family and friends. We visited some fellow believers and enjoyed seeing their homes decked out for Christmas. My favorite homes were the ones filled with non-believers. Somehow, someone in the home was connected to Pastor and they agreed to have us stop by.
One of the church members who went caroling with us, David, came from a strict Hindu family; he is the only Christ-follower in his family. He played the role of Santa for our caroling adventure, beard and pillow-stuffed coat and all. David was in the background for the majority of the time but, before we left each house, we sang, “Feliz Navidad/We Wish you a Merry Christmas” during which he burst into the middle of the room to dance and pass out candy to the children.
Towards the end of our evening, we stopped at David’s house. Before we got there, Pastor gave us a heads up in regards to David’s family- not only were they Hindu but they were “staunch Hindu,” they would be very proper, especially David’s mother. We did our spiel and moved on to our final song; David, full of excitement, began dancing right on cue and passing out candy. To everyone’s surprise, David grabbed his mother’s hand and began to dance with her. She hesitated at first but then, with a smile on her face, she danced with him. It was a beautiful sight- mother and son, Hindu and Christian, dancing while we sang Christmas carols.
12/21, Afternoon:
Our team was together for our “mandatory” daily team time. We rotate the responsibility for planning our team times and Haley, our visiting Squad leader, was up. She gave each of us a piece of paper that had the top couple inches folded over a few times. She explained that there was a name written on the top, we were to pray that God would give us a word (of encouragement, prophesy, etc.) for that person, without looking to see who that person was.
To be honest- I am not yet comfortable with this whole process of “listening prayer,” especially if it’s for someone else, even having done it multiple times. Some of my teammates hear from the Lord easily during times like these, I, on the other hand, struggle.
Part of my uneasiness comes from the sheer newness of the concept for me. Part of it comes from being afraid I’m hearing my own voice rather than God’s. Part of it comes from the fear of misrepresenting what God is telling me. Claiming to speak for God without actually hearing from Him seems a tad sacrilegious to me…
I was sitting there praying, albeit a little half-heartedly, and a picture of David and his mother crossed my mind.
This is what I felt I needed to tell my, then unknown, teammate:
Be bold.
Look at the “great cloud of witnesses” that are surrounding you (Hebrews 12:1), the boldness of David dancing, being “silly” in his home that is filled with staunch Hindu people. He stepped out in boldness for the sake of the cross. He wants so badly for his family to come to the Lord that, if the only way for them to hear him out is to act “foolishly,” he’ll do it. (A reference to 2 Samuel 6:14-22) Be bold. Step out in crazy and unexpected ways. Remember He will step out with you.
One by one, we read our word and then unfolded the top to see who it was for. I went first, I read the name and started to cry- it was for me, I had gotten my own name.
Throughout my Race, God has been telling me to step out in faith, to be bold for Him. The beauty of the confirmation of what I’ve felt from Him for months, combined with the picture of David that touched me so greatly, and the idea that God has so much more for me, if only I were to pursue it, was overwhelming.
12/21 Evening:
Last week, Pastor spoke to our team about the spiritual gifts. It’s a complicated topic but he was able to communicate his beliefs in a way that I understood and could agree with wholeheartedly. We ran out of time last week so when we got together Wednesday evening it was to ask questions and pray.
I sat on the floor of the church and prayed that God would speak. Pastor and his wife were praying over each of us, one by one and, before they got to me, I was praying that God would have them reveal something to me. I heard snippets of the prayers over my teammates- grand revelations, life-giving words of encouragement, and beautiful pictures were being shared, all from the Lord.
What I wanted in that moment was a revelation from God through someone else. I believed a word from God through another person would make me feel special- like God had something so important He wanted to tell me that He used someone else to tell me. However, as I prayed, I knew God wanted to speak to me, but it wasn’t going to come from someone else.
The way He usually speaks to me is through His Word; I read the Bible and words jump off the page adding to, or challenging, the understanding I have of who He is and life in general. Even knowing the God of the Universe tends to speak to me through His written Word, I haven’t picked up my Bible in days. All my life I have avoided reading the Bible consistently- it’s a way for me to keep God at arm’s length, to avoid having Him get too close. Besides, He might convict me of something or call me to something bigger than the life I’m currently leading- who wants that? Avoiding the Bible has been, until now, my semi-subconscious attempt to control my life; if I choose not to hear from God, how can He come into my life and change things?
Back at the church, as I waited for my turn to be prayed for, I sat on the floor motionless. I prayed repeatedly that God’s will would be done in my life, that He would search me and show me what I’m holding back from Him. I felt doubt creeping into my mind (Am I a defective Christian because I don’t hear from Him as easily as other people do? Because I don’t speak in tongues? Because it’s so hard for me to prophesy over others? Is my faith too small?) Wanting to banish these thoughts, I began to declare over and over again that Jesus is Lord and Savior.
Pastor and his wife came to me and asked if they could pray for me, I said yes.
They both prayed quietly at first. To me, it sounded so different than the prayers over my teammates that the doubt began to creep back in again (What is wrong with me that even others can’t hear from God where I’m concerned?).
Suddenly, Pastor said the Lord was telling him that I need to dive into His Word and read for myself what God has to say. Pastor said that God would give me promises as I go deeper and that I need to not waver in my faith in those promises. He spoke about Abraham and the promises God gave him, and his faith to step out into the unknown. He said the promises and revelation would be like jewels, diamonds, and nuggets of gold from Him.
God truly knows me. He knew I desired a word from someone else, but He also knows how He wants to speak to me- so He gave me a word from Pastor, but only to tell me I need to read for myself what God has for me.
As I have reflected on the experience with David and his mother, the word God gave me for myself, and the word Pastor was given for me, I felt God issue me a couple challenges…
Firstly, that I would plunge into God’s Word with a ferocity I have yet to experience. A simple thing, perhaps, but this is a challenge that completely intimidates me.
Secondly, that I would trust what God asks me to do… and say “yes.” There are times I feel prompted to do something but I immediately explain it away as something that came from myself and not from the Lord- I need to say yes, and do the thing, regardless of what I perceive the outcome will be or how uncomfortable it might be.
The New Year is coming and, with that, month 4 of my Race. I pray that next month, and every single month after that, I will, in God’s strength, strive to live a life saturated by His Word and walk in obedience to Him in every circumstance.
