Family means nobody gets left behind — or forgotten.
– Lilo Pelekai, Lilo & Stitch
One of the major hurdles of Training Camp is the fitness test. AIM wants to make sure we are physically able to handle the Race so they had us walk 3 miles in under 50 minutes with our full packs. We walked in little groups- 1.5 miles out, turn around, and 1.5 miles back. I was walking with a couple friends when one fell behind- I tried to continue to encourage her, but I knew I had to keep going.
So I prayed.
When we passed her on our way back, a wave of emotion crashed over me and I prayed again, out loud, that the Lord would strengthen each one of us, that we would go on the Race together… and that no one would be left behind. I realized in that moment that was how I was feeling- left behind.
My former squad was in month 8 of their Race and I was back at Training Camp… and, ridiculous as it may sound, I felt left behind… and… forgotten.
Mentally, I knew WHY I deferred. I knew this new route was more “me”. I knew this was the time I was supposed to go…
But, emotionally, all I felt was that they left, and I was left behind. I almost began crying, mid-step, when the weight of that realization hit me full-force. Quickly following behind that realization was the thought that the last thing I wanted was for someone on my new squad to go through what I went through- watching the squad leave and having to start over.
Because of that moment, I was finally able to admit to myself that being at Training Camp again without my old squad was hard. There were a couple relationships in particular I was really missing, especially during the first few days back in Georgia. Working through those emotions over the next couple days, I came to realize the relationships I had within my old squad were exactly what I needed then- and my new squad was exactly what I need now.
Last TC I was a wreck- the Lord was breaking through years of bondage and I seriously cried everyday. Like, ugly, snot-filled, sobbing. I needed to be carried- and that is what my old squad did. Whether they knew it or not, like nurses in a hospital, they looked after me, cared for me, while the Doctor brought healing.
This year… this year, I was able to see the growth and healing that God had brought in the months following my first experience at TC. I was able to walk in that growth with some confidence and, in essence, my new squad got to meet the newer me- the still-recovering-but-slightly-better-functioning me.
I also realized two things-
Firstly, I had to give my old squad up- and I did, completely, in a private moment mid-week at a bonfire.
Secondly, I had to press into my new squad- and I tried, I really did, over the remaining days of TC. There is a completely different feel to this squad, which is so fascinating to me, but God knew what He was doing, putting us all together, and I cannot wait to walk this journey with them.
Suffice it to say, these people are important to me and I want to get to know every single one of them. If you could be praying for us as our most stressful financial deadline is coming up- the one I didn’t meet last time and, consequently, I ended up deferring ($10,000 by September 16th). I’m set for this deadline but if you would like to help financially, let me know and I will hook you up with someone who has yet to meet this goal.
Thank you all.
Many of you have been walking this journey with me from day one… I continue to praise God for you. <3
Blessings.
