We moved around a bit when I was growing up. From California to Arizona to Minnesota, with various smaller moves in-between.
At the end of middle school, the class I had been with for the past year split and went to two different high schools, depending on what side of Galaxie Ave you lived on. This was devastating for my friend group- they had been together from kindergarten through 8th grade and now they were being separated. It really didn’t affect me too much- it was just another set of goodbyes- but I do remember being jealous of the depth of their connections, evident by the trauma of saying goodbye.
After I graduated high school, I discovered I had the “itchy feet” gene passed down from my parents. I bounced around for a bit, Minnesota to Iowa to Minnesota to Wisconsin to Iowa and back to Minnesota. I was restless.
Given my dislike for staying put long, the Race would seem to be a great fit for me; we are almost constantly in a transition from one place to another. Living in 11 countries in 11 months means at least 11 transitions, plus the one back home (and any mid-month transitions or transitions to debriefs, etc.).
The Race would be perfect… if it wasn’t for those tricky Racers (aka my Squad). Granted, some of these people I only get to see at the end of each month, but there are two women that have been on a team with me since day one, Mariah and Emily.
Celebrating Mariah’s birthday in Malaysia!
Emily, Mariah, and I at the floating lantern festival in Thailand
These women have been crucial in my personal development and have supported me throughout this journey. I have spent, literally, 99% of my days, day in and day out, with them.
Object permanence is the cognitive ability to know an object still exists even if you can’t see it. This skill is usually acquired in early/mid-infancy (around 4-6 months of age) and is crucial to the child’s development. This is why people play peek-a-boo with babies- yes, it’s fun, but the deeper objective is object permanence development. Until this skill is developed, when you hide your face, the baby, essentially, ceases to know you exist.
Out of sight, out of mind, literally.
I have issues with people permanence, in some ways. Not that I necessarily forget people exist when they are not constantly around me, but almost the opposite. As relationships develop, I begin to either take the person for granted or, perhaps, more accurately, check off that relationship as “complete,” set it on the back burner, and move on to a new relationship.
There is a certain level of “depth” I allow myself to reach and, once there, I pull away and “forget” about the person. Usually, people don’t notice I’m pulling away or, perhaps, they notice but decide to allow me to walk away.
Unfortunately, if a person doesn’t let me pull away (if they “pester” and pursue me), out of fear, I’ll turn vicious and push back, usually more than people can handle. Then they walk away.
Mariah and Emily haven’t walked away.
They have seen my heart, my deep desire to be known and the fear that accompanies being that vulnerable, and have, time and time again, pestered and pursued me. I have given way more pushback than they deserve to deal with… and still, they tell me I am loved. And wanted. And accepted. And liked!
So, this is my shout out to my lovely sisters.
Thank you.
You two have taught me so much about the fruit of the Spirit and the love God has for people. And GRACE! SO MUCH GRACE!!! While this would be, typically, “back burner” time for the both of you, you both fight to keep me with you, even as I am learning how to press in and fight for authentic relationships that last.
Mariah and I, Malaysia
Emily and I, Thailand
Here’s to the last 5 months- and to the next 6… and everything after that.
-L
