Let’s talk a little bit about homesickness.
I have been dreaming about and praying to go on the World Race for years. I went through the crazy experience of Training Camp twice. I watched with tears when my original squad left and I followed their journey from afar. When it was time, finally time, to launch, my only thought was this: It’s about dang time.
I know the Lord’s timing is perfect and I believe wholeheartedly I am here right now with these people for a specific purpose… but, even so, the homesickness is still real.
This week, my brother is getting married. I hate that I’m not there. I hate that I am missing this huge time in their lives. I hate that I am missing time with my grandparents and other family members.
Also- I hate that I am missing so much of my nephew’s milestones. He just had his first Thanksgiving, next is Christmas, then his birthday in January. By the time I get back, he’ll be walking, perhaps talking, and I will have missed so much. He won’t remember who I am.
There is so much here that is hard. I miss home. I haven’t been sleeping well for over a week due to nightmares. I’m tired. I am craving the familiar. My struggles, my temptations, my faults, the lies the enemy tells me, have been amplified. I’m sure there is spiritual warfare in the States, but out here, it feels like I’m on the front lines. The enemy does not want me to be successful here. He wants to take back ground Christ has already won- ground in my life, the life of my squad mates, and in Chiang Mai.
It’s hard to not want to be home.
(However, if I WAS home, I know I would be dreaming and pursuing the World Race, not content to be home either. Awkward.)
The other night, one of our leaders reminded us to have our heart where our feet are, and I am trying to take that to heart. Part of my heart right now is back in Minnesota… that means I need to work at not letting myself forget or take lightly the tasks the Lord has planned for me this week in Thailand
I have to stay present- so, how do I combat homesickness?
Starbucks.
For real.
I needed some “me time” this afternoon so I set out for a walk and found me a Starbucks. I walked in; it was all decked out for Christmas (which is weird considering I am living in a majority Buddhist country) and I got me a white soy peppermint mocha for the Thai equivalent of an arm and a leg.
***My name written in Thai!***
I swear to you, it tasted like home. It was beautiful.
I tried to get on my phone to do some mindless scrolling on Facebook but, for some reason, the Internet wouldn’t work.
God met me in that moment. He told me to relax, enjoy the sweet gift, and just be.
So I sat. I listened to the jazzy Christmas music softly playing in the background. I watched out the window as the locals set up shop on the sidewalks for tonight’s night market.
I needed time to just breathe; it was such a beautiful moment. I left with the energy to make it through the rest of my day. Sometimes, I guess, all I need is a few minutes of peace, a change of scenery, and some time with my Father.
I am tying this during an all-squad worship session. As I was typing, a squad mate came and told me she had a word from the Lord for me. She read from the beginning of Nehemiah when Nehemiah calls out to God after hearing the wall in Jerusalem has been torn down. He asks God to be attentive to his cries and the cries of God’s people. My friend told me God is attentive to the cries of my heart. He hears my heart weeping for the women in the bars, the situations of friends and family back home, and the cries of my heart due to missing the wedding. He hears me and He’s working in each of these situations. Even if I don’t feel Him right next to me, He has promised to never leave me. He hears me. He sees me. The God of the universe sees me. And He cares.
And, if you didn’t know… He hears you, too. He sees you. He cares. God loves you.
