It’s December 18- my $10,000 deadline is today! I need $10,000 in my World Race account or I don’t leave for Peru in January.
I didn’t make it.
What else can I say?…
I think, being human, I tend to be overwhelmed by situations like this, put the blame on my shoulders and sit and stew in my failure. I look at myself, my inadequacies, my faults, and my character and ask “why?”
Why wasn’t I able to raise the funds?
Why am I such a disappointment?
Why can’t I get my life together and succeed at something for once in my life?
I take situations and define myself by them; you are what you do, right? I failed to raise $10,000. I failed and I won’t be launching with my squad. I failed, therefore, I am a failure.
I don’t know why God chose to close this door. I don’t know why He brought me through the process of fundraising just to have me stay here. I don’t know why I went through Training Camp, for Pete’s sake. I met, and fell in love with, my B Squad and now I am going to watch their journey from the comfort of my home, and I don’t know why.
This is what I do know:
I am not a failure. My actions, my inadequacies, my mistakes do not define me. Just like my successes and my victories do not define me either.
The very definition of who I am comes from Someone much greater than me.
In Christ…
I am a child of God.
I am forgiven.
I am redeemed.
I am loved.
I am an overcomer.
I am capable.
I am His beloved.
I am strong.
I am powerful.
That is who I am.
When I gave my life to Christ and chose to follow after Him as my Savior and Lord, I gave up my right to define myself. God does that for me, and in His infinite grace and mercy and love and compassion and awesomeness… He has chosen to define me in terms I do not deserve- and “failure” is nowhere on that list, praise God!
To be honest, regardless of how much I want to be in control, I know my life is not my own. I have full and complete faith that if God wanted me to launch on January 8th, I would be launching on January 8th.
Now, I am blessed to have two squads I am a part of- B Squad, my original Squad, I will be following and praying for from afar, and my new Squad that I will be serving alongside for 11 months.
Yes, I am still going on the World Race. I will not be leaving in January but later in 2016. I am excited for the new route God is calling me to- over the moon excited, to be honest- and I can’t wait to tell you all about it!!!
…But that will be posted in a future blog. Sorry, there are things to be worked out, blah, blah, blah.
So, some business-y details: Some of the money I have raised so far has already been spent on things like non-refundable plane tickets, etc., so not 100% of the money I have raised will transfer to my new route. BUT! Outside of that small amount that has already been spent, everything else will transfer to my new route. If you have donated already, thank you again. I take donations very seriously and I am trying to be the best steward I can of the resources God is providing me with. The decision to defer was not made lightly or without much prayer and consideration, and I appreciate your willingness to step out in faith and support me.
I have been blessed with the gift of more time to fundraise- not something all World Racers are given- and I plan to use it wisely. My new overall goal is to be 100% funded by the time I launch. I hope to accomplish this by holding more fundraisers (I’m thinking outside the box and am hoping to have a couple awesomely fun fundraisers in the coming months), talking with churches, through word-of-mouth, and continuing at my job to support myself as much as possible.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I am more and more thankful every day that I have not been called to run this race alone and I have so many people surrounding me, supporting me.
Blessings,
Laura
