At the beginning of 2014 I travelled to Bolivia as part of a team of volunteers from the UK to take part in the International Citizen Service (ICS). The first week we were there was spent at a camp up in the mountains, preparing for our time volunteering. I remember listening to one of the leaders giving us a talk, and as he spoke, I felt God saying that this time in Bolivia was going to be preparation for something bigger, but I had no idea yet what that might be.
A week or two later and I found myself at a birthday party of a friend of our host family. Their daughter was volunteering alongside us at our project, and as we were chatting, she mentioned something called the World Race. To be honest, all I really remember her saying is that some World Racers had visited her church. The rest of that conversation is a bit of a blur because, as soon as she said it, even though I had no idea what is was, something just clicked and I knew I wanted to do it.
So of course as soon as I could, I looked it up and was completely blown away. I discovered it was an 11 month mission trip, to 11 different countries. While that sounded incredible, it also looked so big and scary and not something I could seriously do. Yet this desire to travel the world had been growing in me, and I wasn’t going to be satisfied to do that simply as a tourist. I knew I wanted my journey to be meaningful. So even though it completely terrified me, I knew in my heart that this was what God was calling me to next.
So why did it take from then until now to actually commit to going? Well when I got back to the UK, I started telling people about the World Race and I had every intention of applying. However, inside me, a war was raging, and I was struggling to overcome the fear I felt about going. I wanted to go, but it was just too big and scary and I wasn’t sure I could actually do it. I have always said to myself I will not let fear stop me from doing things, but somehow this time fear was winning. In an attempt to dodge my calling, I accepted an offer to do an internship at my church for a year, and hoped my feeling about the World Race would fade away.
And for a while it did. God used my internship to teach me so much, to grow and deepen my faith, and to build some wonderful friendships. The year was not wasted and I do not regret my decision to do it. I believe God used it to prepare me for what is next. But at the same time, the internship was not something which replaced my sense of calling. Every so often, the World Race came back to mind. Still, it filled me with fear, so I used every excuse and every tactic to convince myself I wanted something else instead.
But the thing is, we aren’t called to live in fear. That’s not why Jesus died on the cross. Jesus said “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10). As I got to the end of my internship last summer, I was still searching for an answer to the question I dreaded getting asked every week in church, “What are you going to do next?” I was feeling despondent, in lack of direction, and extremely pressured to fit in with what people expected of me. Because at 26, it was time to grow up, get a proper job, and be like everyone else. Except I knew I didn’t really want to do that. Of course it has a certain appeal, comfort, conformity and security always will. But at the same time, my heart yearns for adventure, to go do the things I believe my faith demands of me, to go preach the gospel, to make disciples, to pray for people, to heal the sick, to love the orphan and the widow.
So gently, God brought me back to the World Race. Nothing else has been able to capture my imagination and sense of adventure the way it has, and yet I was still saying “no” and this is absolutely not what I want. I was ready to deny all my yearning for adventure rather than face my fear. But like I said, we aren’t meant to live in fear. Jesus promises us life to the full. After praying about it a lot, I felt God asking me to stop fighting him on this, and to trust him. After all, he knows me better than myself, he knows what is right for me, and what will make me come alive. I had forgotten that I am not doing this alone and in my own strength. God is going to be with me in every moment of this. So I have chosen to say no to fear, and yes to adventure! I can’t wait to see what happens!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
