Something I’ve been struggling with since I started fundraising for the World Race is being overwhelmed. It’s hard not to feel anxious or worried about it. There’s no denying it $16961 is a lot of money. And I keep hearing myself ask, where is it going to come from? It’s not so much a lack of faith in God’s ability to provide the money, but more looking around and thinking, but from where?
But then a friend reminded me that we often think God should do something one way, because that is how we can figure out a solution to a problem. However, that is forgetting that God can see the whole picture, including what is outside of our own understanding. He can work in ways we could never have imagined. He can find me support from places I would never have looked for it!
As 1 Corinthians 2:9 says “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”
I know I can’t really even begin to grasp how God can work, he is so much bigger than what I can comprehend. And often that means he doesn’t do what I think he should, which can lead to me feeling out of control and anxious.
Like most of us, I’m certainly someone who likes to feel in control. I like having a plan and a list, having things figured out. But the more I experience of this fundraising process, the more I realise I’m not in control of it at all. I can’t control what people choose to give and when. I can’t control who chooses to give – often donations might come from the most unexpected places and not from others where I thought it might have done. I can pray and ask God to release the funds, but it’s not up to me decide where from.
This weekend I started listening to the Bethel song “In Over My Head”. As I listened to it, I felt the lyrics perfectly summed up my current situation. I have been feeling so overwhelmed by this huge mountain I have to climb, I am completely in over my head. As I listened to the song over and over, I felt God release me from the worry and burden I had been carrying. I realised that being in over my head is ok. That is where I am meant to be now. I cannot control this fundraising process, but actually, if I accept that and let go of it, and give the control back where it belongs, I am free. Being in over my head takes me to a place of deeper trust in God, and that is a beautiful place to be. It’s freedom from the burden of having to control everything myself. As I hand back the control to God, he is free to work in the ways he knows to be best, and my relationship with him is deepened as I see just how faithfully he is working for me. The song says:
“And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Then you crash over me, and that’s where You want me to beI’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head”
Control isn’t freedom. Letting go of it, and trusting in God is the only place where we can be truly free. Sometimes its terrifying, and we can’t see how things will possibly be ok, but I’d rather put my trust in my loving and faithful heavenly Father than anybody else, myself included. And as I let go, so much support has flooded in. I have been so overwhelmed by it, but this time in the best possible way.
