Not gonna lie, I have been dreading the composition of this blog. I am nearly emotionally crippled by the looming reactions and judgments that will be formed as your eyes read my words, which will begin to form opinions about who I am and what I say. There is a lot at stake being a writer, as I surrender bits of who I am with every word I write.
Many of you know about my recent decision to come home from the World Race much sooner than anticipated. I had a bit of confusion as to why I felt called home, but I will not be discussing that in detail at this time. What I want you to take away from my decision is that I felt God tugging at my heart and I knew I had to respond. I have made a few mistakes over the past few years concerning my career path and how I would serve the Lord. The mistake is not that I pursued God wholeheartedly, which I can say with a clear conscience and that I stand by, but the mistake lies in the capriciousness, impulsiveness, and ultimately the lack of prayer in guiding my decisions. My fanatical composure replaced the part of the decision making process where I should have spent time in prayer and seeking godly counsel.
There is some really good news: I get to learn from it and move on, doing my best to not make another mistake of that sort. Being human gives us this strange and wonderful opportunity to royally screw up and then fix it. There is some even better news: God is not surprised when you mess up. He is not only sovereign over your mess, but he will stand by you and help you in the process of moving on. To quote Matt Chandler, “God is not looking for perfection but for progress.”
The week after I returned to America I was mentally, physically, and emotionally in a very dark place. I took advantage of needing cold medicine to help me sleep through most of that week because I would have rather spent my time asleep than face the consequences of my decision to return home. I recognized that I was abusing the medicine and that avoiding my problem was only prolonging it. For those of you wondering about my interest in the military: I did call a recruiter and after that conversation it was quite clear that I was wrong about that call on my life. I despaired and panicked. Long story short, I became aware of an opening to teach English at my old high school; I inquired, interviewed, and obtained that job. I have been teaching for the past month and it has been a beautiful train wreck. It’s a messy challenge, but I am extremely happy there. I get to use my God given talents to teach and be empathetic. A public school classroom is a glorious mission field in disguise. I am in a place where I legally cannot discuss my faith with students, which means I cannot openly minister to them. However, I get to pray for them throughout the day and I have the awesome privilege to be a light in their life, which I hope you will join me in praying that the light they see is Jesus’ love reflecting through me to reach them.
Nowadays I am busying teaching, getting plugged back into my gracious and loving community at Coastal Community Church, and soaking up as much time as I can with the people I love most.
