I've known since February that I would be going on the World Race, and now I'm just a few days away from actually getting on the plane and taking off! As ecstatic as I am about traveling to far off places, meeting new people, and experiencing new cultures, I am also experiencing another emotion, FEAR.
It scares me that I will be away from friends and family for 11 months.
I'm afraid of feedback from my squad mates, that I may not like what they have to say.
I'm worried that I won't pull my weight or have anything useful to contribute.
I'm terrified of getting sick or seriously injured and having to come home.
It scares me to think that I can't see my mom, my best friend, anytime I want.
As open as I think I am, it terrifies me to think of being vulnerable and showing all of my flaws and insecurities with my team.
I'm worried about my other squad mates and if they will be able to raise all of the money needed
I'm concerned about getting on other peoples nerves, and if I'm being completely honest, them getting on my nerves.
I have a sensitive stomach, so I'm worried about being in the bathroom most of my trip.
The thought of not making my dash (my life) count terrifies me
I'm afraid of sharing my inner most thoughts on a blog….will what I say be important or even make sense? Will I even know what to write? Will I be honest with myself and write what I truly feel, the good and the bad. Can I be vulnerable with my blog knowing others are reading my deepest thoughts?
The fears could go on, but the only thing more terrifying for me than going on the race, is NOT going on the Race. Because if I didn't go on the race, I would experience a whole different list of fears:
Fear of never fulfilling my life long dreams of traveling overseas and doing humanitarian work, especially in Africa.
Fear of resenting others who get to go on the World Race or travel outside of the country
Fear of staying stagnant in my relationship with Christ
Fear of living a boring, scaredy cat life, with no adventures and no story to tell
Fear of not making my dash count! (See Dash poem below)
Looking at all of my fears in black and white is an eye opener. It makes me ask the question," Laura, what kind of life are you wanting to live? Are you willing to lay it at Jesus' feet? Are you willing to trust Him?"
If I know anything about God, it's this, He has a serious sense of humor. God doesn't want us to live in fear, He wants us to have the adventures. Jesus called his disciples to go out and spread the Word across the nations, and that required some pretty exciting and terrifying risks. We are the present day disciples, why should we not go off to foreign lands and share God's amazingly beautiful love?
God calls each of us for different opportunities. Whether it's opening a new business, calling up that family member you haven't talked to in 10 years or going overseas to serve, each one can lead to fear, but it's also the opportunity to be faithful in the Lord and lean on Him. For me, He called me to go, and my answer is a resounding YES!!!
I want the adventure. I want the opportunity to share Christ with others. I want to hold the babies and braid little orphaned girls hair. I want to see Mt. Everest, and swim with Great Whites off the coast of South Africa. I want to be completely out of my comfort zone and grow as a person. I want to learn how to depend on others and not feel like I have to do everything on my own. I want to be broken and I want to cry. I want to feel so fully alive that it scares me. I want to make my dash count.
I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption:
"Get busy living, or get busy dying." -Red
Until next time,
Laura
The Dash
By Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who love her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile…
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
