Lessons Learned Along the Way
As you probably know, I am not the best blogger, in fact, I may be the world’s worst blogger. It’s difficult for me to find the words to say to express my feelings, probably because half the time, I’m trying to figure out exactly what I’m feeling. I go through an assortment of emotions (exhaustion, sadness, happiness, fear, anxiety), and that’s just before noon! To say that the World Race is a challenge is the understatement of the year, at least in my case.
During month two, in Nicaragua, I was struggling DAILY with no structure and handling “free time”, yes, I said it, “free time.” Most days we would have breakfast at 8am and then free time until noon when we had lunch, then more free time until 2pm where we would go to the local town of Bethel to hang out with the kids until around 4:30pm and then we would head back to the compound for feedback and dinner and then usually team time afterwards. On a couple of occasions we had a bible study, or would go to a local village and do some door- to- door evangelizing, and once we even got to minister to the sick men ( a ministry set up for the men who worked in the sugar cane fields for many years and became sick from the pesticides used and began having kidney failure).
In my pre-World Race days, I worked as a social worker on an inpatient psychiatric unit in a hospital, so my days were very structured and every minute was planned out. Going from my days being planned from 8am to 5pm to very little structure with a lot of room for flexibility (key World Race term) was a complete challenge for me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I had so much down time!!
Another challenge of mine that month was finding enjoyment in my ministry. We were around some incredible people and had the coolest kids to play with daily, but I still didn’t feel connected. I would see on facebook some of my squad mates posts and what they were doing at their ministry sites, how happy they were, and how much fun they were having and all of the cool things they were doing on their days off and I got jealous…..crazy jealous. I started to wonder why I wasn’t enjoying my ministry, and what was wrong with me? Was I meant to be on this crazy World Race thing?!!!
I was freaking out and I was afraid to tell people. I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t having “the time of my life”, at least not at this point. I wasn’t writing blogs because I didn’t know what to say that wasn’t totally discouraging and all “negative nancy.” So I just kept it to myself, until I couldn’t take it any longer. I finally broke down and told my team and the other team (Daughters of the Vineyard, who was at the same ministry that month).
A very wise squad mate (Vivian N.) said something, that caught me completely off guard. She said, “take it as a compliment, the devil wouldn’t be trying so hard to discourage you if you weren’t a threat to him. The devil knows you’re working towards expanding the kingdom of God and so he’s doing everything he can to distract you. Laura, God brought you on this trip for a reason, don’t doubt Him and don’t compare your journey to anyone else.” Wow!!! I had never thought of that!! My journey with God is mine alone! Such truth!!!
Looking back now I see how much God was teaching me in Nicaragua. I was using everything possible as a distraction from spending alone time with God. I was using the internet, or working out, the effort to be more structured, or learning to play the guitar I had just bought, anything I could find to keep me from spending one-on-one time with the Big Man Upstairs. But one by one God broke down those barriers I put up to show me how much I needed Him and how much I needed to work on my relationship with Him. I realized I needed to use all of that free time I hated so much as an opportunity to grow in my relationship with the Lord. I needed to find enjoyment in pursuing my relationship with Him and embrace the freedom of not having to stay busy every minute of the day. I also came to the realization that not every month is going to be “fun.” I had forgotten that I was on this journey to serve and love others, not to have the coolest souvenirs or the most memorable days off ( not that souvenirs or having fun on your day off is bad, I had just become my focus). I lost track of the main reason I was doing all of this and that was to grow closer to God. This trip is not meant to be a walk in the park, and some months/ministries are going to be really tough, but it’s totally worth it!!
Until Next Time,
Laura
