It was time…time to no longer allow Satan to have a hold on me. It was time to talk about my past. I told them I would share but I wasn’t ready to talk yet. They prayed with me and went on their way. When I saw them later LeAnna said she wanted to share what happened when she walked in the room. Jesus allowed her to feel exactly what I was feeling and told her what it had to do with. She said it wouldn’t go away until she stopped and prayed for me. I just told her to pray and I was going to pray and I would talk the next day (Sunday).
As Sunday went on my chest kept getting tighter and tighter and it was hard to breath. it was about 10pm and no one was around so I was just going to ignore it and go to bed. My phone then vibrated because I got an email. It was a comment from Andrew (my old squad leader) on a blog I had written and he said, “Go after your heart and let no one tell you otherwise. He has the last word.” No sooner that I read it Colleen came and sat next to me and asked how I was doing and I started crying. Then walks in LeAnna and a minute later Kim. They were sitting there comforting me and praying as I prayed and cried. We must have sat there for about an hour as I tried to speak. After I told them they continued to comfort me and spoke words over me that Jesus had given them to say. Can I say, as soon as I got it out there was a huge release on my chest and I could breath. Colleen said she got a vision of a set of lungs and jesus told her I was breathing him i. Kim got a vision that my heart was a house with many rooms and you know how we hide things that we don’t want others to see…well she said the last room was opened and being cleaned out for all to see. LeAnna was telling me that Jesus was telling me that I am worthy and beautiful.
I was afraid of judgment and how they would treat me after they knew, but they loved me even more. Satan was still trying to have his hold by flooding my thoughts and feelings, but that only lasted a few days. While at debrief one night Julie stood up and said the God wanted to heal some people that night. She said the Holy Spirit was all over her to where her hands were stiff and there was glitter on them so she knew wha she was to do. I went to her afterwards and asked if it was only physical healing and she said no it’s for anything. I asked her to pray for me because I was feeling unworthy and satan was bringing me down and I didn’t even want to be around the 3 who knew my secret. While she was praying for me I could feel stirring in my heart like Jesus was reconnecting my heart and my thoughts and satan was gone! I talked to a few others a debrief after that moment with Jesus and Julie the guilt and shame were completely gone! I had a one-on-one with Mama and she said there is a new peace that has come over me. She told me that when she met me that there was something deep that I was avoiding and she could tell I was running from leadership. She said I look like a completely new person and she could tell right away. Man I love Jesus!!! I have this new love for him that I have never had before and I just love being in his presence.
Since being obedient, Jesus has revealed so much to me about my future to the point where I can now grasp it with my hands. I no longer have to be afraid to pray because I am holding nothing back anymore. As some of you know I want to have a coffee shop that will give opportunities to those coming out of sex trafficking and I can see it in my future. I was reading the book Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and his church has a coffee shop in DC and while I was reading about it I kept hearing Jesus say to me, “partner, partner, partner” meaning they would partner with me for my dream. I’m praying circles around this :). Also when I was looking at the website I recognized a last name of one of the pastors and contacted a friend from high school and found out that her brother-in-law and husband are pastors of 2 of the church plants. I was just blown away, but even more so at what happened next. I found out that we would be working at a coffee shop/bakery for this month. God knew that I was going to finally stop running last month and he rewarded me this month in Vietnam.
My team and I have been working at Donkey Bakery in Hanoi, Vietnam. Those who work here are either deaf, blind, or have some other kind of disability and are such a joy to work with. I was put in the kitchen full of deaf people to teach them new recipes. Hagan and I have taught them how to make different types of cupcakes, naan, samosas, lasagna, crepes, pancakes, Bimbimbap, kimchi, etc. They have also taught us how to make 2 Vietnamese dishes and have had competitions between one another to see who makes the better samosas. The other morning they made crepes without us and had them ready for Hagan and I to try. It makes my heart happy that they are putting to use what we have taught them. We have 1 girl in the kitchen who can translate for us, but we mostly communicate by hand signals, spelling in sign language, or using google translate. I have really enjoyed working with them and will miss them tremendously. Not only had God placed me in the kitchen this month, but has given me an amazing teammate to work with in the kitchen. Hagan has taught me about the financial aspect of running a business and has taught me how to keep track of ingredients and how to price product for profit. The month has been a month from Jesus and I have learned so much for the future. Also the radio and 2 tv stations have come to the bakery to see what we have been up to. I hate having a camera in my face, but Harris was telling me to embrace it because when I have my own coffee shop people will want to have a camera in in my face. This month has been a month of favor and timing couldn’t be more perfect.
Last month was the worst month emotionally, but I couldn’t be more thankful for it. I thought the race was going to be mainly focused on ministry, which it is a lot of the time, but a lot of it is also about dealing with yourself and finding your identity in Christ. God has given me some amazing friends who call me into greatness and don’t let me be content with where I am. They ask the hard questions to get to the root of the problem and aren’t afraid to challenge me.
Thank you for being part of my journey by supporting me and praying for me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you and I wouldn’t be where I am spiritually either. Details don’t matter, but God’s grace and faithfulness do.
Don’t let Satan keep a hold on you. If God is calling you to do something, don’t be afraid. Don’t wait 4 months like it did, the time is now. You won’t regret it! Break the chains to experience true freedom in Christ. Jesus will always have the last word!
