Day 3/4:
Day 3 was spent reading the parts of the 5 Love Languages that were applicable to me, and writing down what each “language” entails. I also managed to leave the house for a while and help find some prices on things to fix up the orphanage that we are helping out with here.
Day 4 was another day of revelation for me. I really wanted to find out my love language because I have such a hard time accepting love. What God had told me two days prior was that there had only ever been one person who’s love I had never truly questioned. Only one person’s love I had never doubted. I wanted to know why that was, and how I could change that. Part of trusting God would be to trust His love for me.
In order to find out my love language, the book gave 3 questions to help you answer that. What hurts most when someone fails to do it? What do you most often request? What do you show love by? I started by answering these, and at first it looked as though I was either all of them, or none of them. After more thought and understanding of the love languages (which include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch) I finally figured out what I am. I am a physical touch person. Secondly I am a words of affirmation person. However, what I discovered as a big problem, is that I don’t like to initiate or ask for that type of love because deep down I have believed that if I ask for it then it’s not real love anyway because I had to tell them, and therefore it was forced.
I realize now that if I tell someone my love language and they do that for me, it isn’t because I told them to, it’s because they love me and they really want to show me that, by remembering what I told them and putting it into action. It is hard to change a mindset that I have had (conciously or not) for almost 22 years. It will be slow, but at least now I can see where my problem is, that it is my problem, and I can begin to work on it. This is going to help with accepting love from other people. From God, well that it is going to come with my trust of Him that I learned about on day 2.
The other thing I had been thinking about, asking God about and trying to do over the course of these days was to be able to understand forgiveness of and prayer for the attackers. When I was at Alabanza (the place near Pretoria we spent a few days after the Joburg event before flying to India) I met a guy there that I was able to talk to for just a few minutes. I was telling him some of the funny things that the robbers left behind and just talking about the situation in general. The guy (I don’t even know his name) was laughing, and agreed with me about God’s goodness. He told me that he had been on both sides. That he had used to be like the robbers (although not as pathetic he said) and now he is on God’s side and that God’s side is so much better. He mentioned that the reason he was now on God’s side and could see how good it is was because people had been praying for him. This story really helped me to be able to understand the importance of praying for the men who attacked us. It gave me real proof that praying for those guys would do good. I was able to forgive the men (to the best of my understanding of forgiving people I don’t know) the night that God gave me His peace. Day 1 of this journey God gave me the verse
Deuteronomy 20:10 When you march up to attack a city, first make them an offer of peace.
I feel like through this God was showing me that He is always going to offer His grace and restoration before bringing down wrath on the attackers. He reminded me that we are all the same in His eyes. Through the guy at Alabanza, and the realization that God wants to offer His grace to the men, and that maybe they have no one else to pray for them, finally on day 4 I was able to pray for them, with honesty and sincereity. While I know they have hurt me, I will overcome it. God will provide everything I need, He is my counsellor. So while I ask that you do continue praying for me, and my heart and my health that you also join with me in this prayer:
God I ask that you bring Christians into the lives of the men who attacked the squad. You have turned other criminals lives to you because of the prayers of your people. I don’t know if those men have anyone else to pray for them. God give them as many opportunities as needed so that they will come to trust and know you. Begin a work in them. Give them courage to change their lives. Don’t allow them to hurt anyone else. Protect those who come across their paths. Cause them to read the Bibles, journals and letters that they took. Use them to give them an understanding of you. Convict their hearts so that they truly repent to you. Use them as sources of influence to their families, friends, city and country. Thank-you for the opportunity I have to be used in your kingdom to pray for those who come against me. Use that moment in Johannesburg as the turning point of those men’s lives. Thank you for the influence and testimony that they will have because of you. In your name, Jesus, Amen.
