I’m tired of living the mundane. I lived the World Race last year, and this
year I have accomplished nothing. I have
held various jobs, even moved across the country for a job. I have bought a car, live in my own place and
I’m doing the things I’m “supposed” to do. I tried to do things with missions, but no doors were opening, and so I
thought maybe it wasn’t the time for me. I’m not sure what happened, but I now know this- the mundane, the
regular, is not for me.
I have always said I’m not cut out for a 9-5 job. I’m not cut out for a routine and what most
see as “normalcy”. I want more for my
life, I have tasted more in my life, and I’m just not satisfied without
it. What I have realized is that with
this “regular” life, it’s just too difficult to have a relationship with
God. I understand why the poor and
hungry of the world have such a greater passion for God than most do here in
North America. They NEED God. God is the only way they will survive. Essentially, I can survive here in North
America without God. I’m tired of
merely surviving. I want to LIVE! I need to go back to the nations- not just to
spread the kingdom, but for myself! I am
in NEED of NEEDING God.
Last year on the race there were some difficult times, yet I
was always able to turn to God, and be drawn in. I lived in a community that wouldn’t leave me
behind. I have been wondering why,
although it was difficult, was I still able to rely on God, yet here, when I
have plenty of time, and I have a more comfortable life has it become so much
more of a chore to be in relationship with God? I believe it is because I don’t feel the same sense of urgency for
Him. I want to be in need of God
again. My soul longs for the community I
still see happening at AIM, and with various parts of my squad. I desire to return to the closeness God and I
had last year, and I don’t think that can happen here. I still love God, still trust God for all of
His promises, and I know that in the right time He will bring me from this
season into a new one. I am trying to
look for the lesson in this- maybe I am learning to be content wherever I am,
and maybe my lesson is just discovering the NEED.
Isaiah 26:3-4
they trust you.
always, because He is our Rock forever.
