Here I am in Cambodia. Actually it’s not much longer until we are actually leaving Cambodia and going to FINAL debrief in Thailand. I always knew I would make it, but for a long time it seemed as though it would never arrive. Here I am, at the end. There are still a few days of ministry left, and it really is a struggle to go at it whole heartedly. Let’s be honest. This is tiring. The World Race is not easy. It wears you down physically, and mentally. There is a constant spiritual battle raging. The needs of everyone around you take a toll on your emotions. In every way this year tests you. I have been wondering lately how previous racers have felt at this point. Am I the only one who is tired? Even worse is this shocking realization I had last night. Let me explain. . .
I have had quite a lot of frustrations this year with a certain shipping company. I have used them twice and BOTH times they have broken the things I have mailed with them. The broke a one of a kind hand made glass bowl from South Africa, and also many various souvenirs I got in Vietnam. Not only did they break my things, sending one package was a complete hassle, they charged me for the PACKAGING (seriously, what is the original price for?) and were in general not helpful. The first time I sent a package was in July and I am STILL dealing with the insurance, and getting the credits and charges all sorted out (something with a bank error?). Anyway, I have been overly frustrated and been worrying about all of this stuff, dealing with managers, and sending off numerous emails trying to get the reimbursements that I am entitled to.
Right, I know what you are thinking. WHAT? ENTITLED to? I thought I had left my entitlements behind as I showered with buckets, and slept in my tent, and used baby chairs all the time. I thought I had left behind all of my RIGHTS– the right to know the next country we were going to, the right to good food, and the right to being clean and comfortable. I don’t DESERVE anything, just because I think I should. So why have I been so upset with this shipping company? Why have I been so ready to snatch up every cent that I am entitled to, and a little more for all of the frustration they have put me though? Is it because I paid a little extra for insurance? Well, yes, I did, so a reimbursement I will get. But do I have the right to demand to speak to a manager, to demand that everything be taken care of in what I deem a timely manner, do I have the RIGHT to decent customer service? What happened to stripping myself of entitlements and rights?
This is not how I expected to finish the race. Ah, the key word. Expectations. That’s what everything boils down to. Expectations. I expected to finish this race feeling better than when I started. I EXPECTED to be a better person, so full of the love and grace of God. While I do believe I have changed this year, I am still finding myself thinking I deserve all of this wonderful and timely customer service when really I should have left all those rights in Chincha. I am trying to let go, and trust that the people from the company are capable people, and that I will be reimbursed properly because of the insurance that I have. But this is what it all comes down to- have I really let go of my rights? What will happen when I get home? Will I be back where I started as a consumerist, materialist Canadian? I mean really… the stuff in the packages was just STUFF. Is it really that important?
I challenge you to look at your own life. What is it that you believe you have the right to? What is it that you DESERVE? Why are you entitled to more, better, anything you want? There are people living with nothing, I have seen plently of that this year. And yet, why should we expect more than them? God blessed you with the resources to have more than nothing. Be greatful for what He has given to you. Realize that everyone has expectations and things they believe they are entitled to, and they can sneak up on you even when you think you are over them. Don’t get caught up in the stuff, don’t get caught up with what you do or do not deserve. As you can see I am still working on it, even as the race is drawing to an end. It is a process. As you empty yourself of any selfishness, greed, entitlements and expectations, fill yourself with God’s love, grace and promises of provision. It’s not easy… but with God’s help it is possible.
