What a waste! What lessons did I miss out on that I could have learned from other people? What adventures did I pass up because I wanted to be alone? What life-long friendships did I pass up? From the beginning of this squad's existence, it has been so clear that we have all be handpicked to be on this squad. God put each and every person with me on this squad for a reason. I can learn something from every single one of these people. It pains me to think I have wasted that time with the squad. And again, it took me until recently to be able to fully engage with my hosts here in Honduras. What conversations did I miss out on?
And this month, living on site, waking up to toddlers screaming outside my door and sleeping in a vacant room at the home, I have been steeped in ministry. The days here were not as varied as the days of ministry in Guatemala. A few weeks in to it, I found myself in a rut; waking up thinking, here goes yet another day at the children's home. And at the end of the day, I'd look back and think 'where did the day go?!' I felt very unaccomplished a lot of days, feeling like I have wasted another day. Every day was the same. What a lie that is! Every day is NOT the same! Each day is a new creation and His mercies are new every morning! Each day is another opportunity to pour life and truth into these children so that they can grow up and be influencers in this country, and even the world!
Yes, I do regret how I engaged with people during these last two months. But I rejoice in the fact that I am realizing this now, in Month 2. I now have 9 months left in which I can choose to step out and take the risk of relationship. What's the worst than could happen? Someone not like me? That wouldn’t be the first time. And in the grand scheme of things, people don’t have to like me! They are not my final Judge.
Next week, we will be together again as a squad for a few days for debrief in Managua, Nicaragua. This time, I will choose to lay my fears aside and lay down my pride and engage with my squad mates. And the following week when I get to my ministry site, I will choose to step out and risk relationship sooner than the last week of ministry. Because that is how life is meant to be lived.
And the life you are living: it may look different, and days may seem mundane and repetitive, but your days are numbered too. And like my months of ministry, you have no idea what your number is. You have x number of days left here on this Earth. How are going to spend them? Are you going to continue to push things off until tomorrow? Are you going to view today as 'just another day?' As the band we all love to hate, Nickelback, says "Each day's a gift and not a given right." Each day is a gift! You are not entitled to tomorrow! You aren't even entitle to your next breathe! God gives you that too! So, be grateful for what you have and where you are! You're there for a reason!
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind. Carpe Diem. YOLO.
