This kind of month was EXACTLY what I needed! I woke up early almost every morning just before sunrise and had breakfast on the roof as I watched the sun rise with my Bible and worship music in hand. It has been such a long time that I have had such sweet devotions with my Jesus! Every single morning the sun rises were breathtaking! I spent hours each day basking in the beauty of it and soaking in God's presence before anyone else was even awake in the house.
By the end of this month, my Spirit was regenerated and ignited with a new flame. It felt like a new beginning: a new beginning to life and a new beginning to the Race. This month in Thailand was the most difficult month of my life emotionally. My three-year relationship had ended back in November, but it wasn't until two months later that I really moved on. For those months, I was clinging to a hope that it could be restored, if not now, at least when I got back to the States.
The day before we left the Philippines, God slammed that door shut on my face, extinguishing any last glimmer of hope I could see through the cracks. It was over. For good. I had to accept that. I did accept that. But I just wanted to move on and forget about it, the whole thing, not just what had just happened.
I was angry, bitter, and never wanted to talk to him again. But God walked with me through this. He walked me through the forgiveness process, wrestled with me about sending him an email telling him that I forgave him, and romanced me like never before. He showed me that whatever it was I was looking for in a relationship, I could find in Him and Him alone. I am my beloved's and He is mine.
What a breath of fresh air that was! What an exhilarating feeling it is to be romanced by the Creator of the Universe! Every morning, I felt like every sunset and every song the birds were singing was for me and only me.
Sunrise on the roof of Won Gen
Having an entire month away from my boys was great, but I missed them. It was great having girl talk and being able to have "pants-less team time," but I was so ready to have them back! We had some great heart to hearts and I was ready to dive head first into the team, investing in them and empowering them to be stepping into greatness, each in their own ways. The night before we left for Malaysia, I was so hyped, and for now explicable reason. Like my pastor back home always says, "There's no high like the Most High!"
