For the last few months, as a team we had been talking about giving Erin [our team leader] a week off of leadership responsibility. This month we finally followed through with it. At debrief back in Nicaragua, Erin asked me to pray into stepping up as team leader for a week. I could pick the week and just had to let her know. Well, after praying about it, I agreed to do it the second week in the Philippines.
We didn't tell the team anything until the morning of my first day as leader. It was amazing how quickly things changed. Erin felt free as a bird, and seemed to be operating in her full self. I immediately felt the pressure and "target on my back" of being a team leader. I had been praying and preparing for the entire week before, but it still hit me hard.
It seemed that all of my personal problems came to mind and affected my actions all at the same time, and the devil tried to convince me that my problems disqualified me from being leader at this time. The entire week, I felt inadequate. I felt that I was the least qualified to be the team leader.
At first, I felt like people were stepping on my toes, and were just trying to prove that I wasn't a good leader. I didn’t get much feedback, positive or negative, so only had my thoughts to go off of. I saw others stepping up in leadership, but after the first day or so, my perspective shifted. I remembered what Erin told me about what being a team leader was all about: empowering others. I didn’t have to do everything, or at least everything I though I was supposed to do. I learned to rejoice in the fact that people were stepping up. For the past few months, we had the issue of no one stepping up or speaking out.
The week was very wearing on me. Half way through the week, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. There were things I wanted to do as a team leader, but since it was only for a week, I didn't have a long term mindset. The last "official" day of my week as leader, I had a few one-on-ones with my team members and was very encouraged by what I heard.
After the week of being a leader, and particularly the last day of one-on-ones, I felt that this was something I could step into. I have a lot to learn and a lot to grow in as a leader, but I was willing to take that step. Even though I felt deficient in some areas, I felt that my team members were rising up in those areas and I would continue to empower them in that.
