I feel something coming. Not like a premonition or anything like that; more of an assurance because of things that He has already had His hand over in my life. This thing I sense is peace. The last 6 months since I was accepted for the World Race have been one step of letting go after another. Well, if we keep rewinding, that process started long before then. But, for the sake of brevity and your time we’ll keep it recent. 😉 My amazing God has had His hand in all of this since before I even knew something like the World Race even existed; before I even took my first breath. So many things have come together in my life for this trip that to go through them all, I could write a book the size of the Bible. Seriously. And when I look back at all He brought together to bring me to today, I can’t help but sing praises in complete wonder and awe. That He knows me so well and not only that, but that He loves me so much that He intricately brings all things together for good in my life…I have no words.
Being American, we want immediate results; fast food, high definition and super speed internet connection have all helped foster the “I want it now” mindset. These past few months though, there has been a shift happening in my heart and I have found that actually in the stillness is where I have been getting my biggest thrills. In the time I have spent praying and submitting to the plans He has made for me, He’s helped me realize that my impatience has been the biggest hinderance to our relationship. So many things I want right now that I have been impatient with Him for: I want to be halfway around the world already, loving on orphans and being in a close knit community with my World Race family, and although that is soon, it is not quite here; I want to be a leader and help others find their niche in the world of missions, but that’s still to come; I want to be married and to have a teammate to do missions with and help heal the hurting alongside me, but that’s not yet; I want to be a foster or adoptive parent to kids who’s own got lost along the way, but it isn’t now. These things will surely come, I believe that. God wouldn’t lay them so heavily on my heart for nothing, if not even to learn to submit them over to Him. “He knows the plans He has for me.” Those plans are full of hope, even if that is where they will remain.
In my pastor’s message Sunday he made the comparison between something that is good and something that is best. Marriage, missions, fostering kids, being a nurse, leading…those are all good things. But He has me where I am right now for a purpose and He intends to walk with me into what is best. Sounds cliche, I get it. But, it’s the truth. And the truth is, He knows that I can do far more right now as an unmarried missionary nurse than as anything else, or with anyone else. Right now, I am right where I should be and when I should be here.
And this shift from impatience to stillness is now finding its way to contentment. I have been so eager to take off on this journey and to have all I think I need in life right now, yet He is showing me where my feet are actually standing in the current moment and that this is a good place. The best possible place. I am still standing on a path. I am not at a dead end, but I can’t get to the next turn without taking a step forward and continuing on this road. And with this pause to be still, I see that my hope in the things above leave me far more settled and content with what is currently around me. I know there is more to come and I know that losing patience and trying to obtain all those things that I want NOW will not get me any closer to the one thing I want most; more of my Abba, Father. And what I keep hearing Him say is, “Hold on, dear one. It will be worth it.” He challenges us in these “I want it now” moments to ‘be still and know that He is God’ and understand that He only wants the best for us. Truly.
“Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3: 13-14)
I will strain forward and keep my eyes on the goal; a life with Him. No matter what else is happening around me, I will not jump ahead, but I will enjoy this time of surrender and trusting in Him; knowing that the good things I hope for and let go of now will come when they should and will be the best things for me that I get to embrace later. And it will be worth it.
