Well, we are making it.
This blog started out as an idea behind what God is like as He draws us closer in. Some view God as a hard Father who disciplines and does so because He wants us to be stronger; to be ready as an army is for the coming attacks of His enemy. Our enemy. And that is what the last few weeks had felt like; preparing for battle.
Stick together. Stay strong. Hold on tight.
And it has been a battle to be here in a lot of ways. We don’t have Internet except when we go out once or twice a week so I’ll try to condense as much as I can, but there is so much missing between the words I could fit here. And it is hard to describe all we have felt and experienced behind the memories that are being made in the place I have come to call home this month. A place named Eden, which was His first home for man at the dawn of creation. It is no coincidence He has started us here in the garden. To walk so intimately with Him and with each other. To find Him in the hurting and hungry eyes around us. To plant seeds that will grow His relentless love for the people in this place.
But as I think about the last few days, I realize that it isn’t only in the garden that He wants to plant His seed. He is seeking me everywhere. He isn’t some drill sargent trying to beef me up for a fight. He is a doting Father who adores me. And He proves it in how He meets me. On Saturday, He placed me in an art gallery at exactly the moment He wanted me there. It was one of the most incredible and unforgettable divine appointments I have ever experienced. We met a woman who is a Christian and a therapist at a trauma and drug addiction recovery center. We talked with her about a local gang in South Africa and just hearing more about what God is at work doing here in Bloemfontein. She started talking about her sister and after our long conversation, we prayed with her and her mother outside the restaurant. It was like the Holy Spirit was just…BOOM. I want you HERE. In this exact moment. And how perfectly it reminded me that He has His hand on every moment and every encounter.
We hugged goodbye and after eating the most wonderful eggs Benedict I’ve ever had at the restaurant which was recommended to us by a friend I made in a bookstore the week before, we headed to the Botanical gardens. We made our way to the top of a small mountain. I sighed, a lot. And I just felt God speaking in such neat ways. As I stood atop and looked out over this little valley, the peace and comfort of God there was such a highlight. As I started to descend back down the trail, I really just didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay on top of the mountain. In the warm sun. In the peace.
But God whispered something in that moment, “Will you choose the valley?”
Sometimes we reach mountaintops in life after God puts us through an unexpected valley. When something hard happens that is not our fault, for instance the loss of a loved one or a lost relationship, we stand on the other side and praise God for being with us in the shadow of the valley. But what about those times we choose the hard road? When we have to choose to go through the dark shadow in the deep valley or not? Not because we want to boast in ourselves for being able to endure, but because we want to endure with our Maker; to understand what complete and utter dependence upon Him truly is. This walk back down the mountain from a man made garden into the Eden Center, His garden of growth for so many in Bloemfontein, SA… this was God reminding me that there is a struggle and a fight that I am here for and that by choosing to continue on in the fight I am made stronger. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. The choice to go back into the fight and asking God to join me and my team is what will pull us closer. Not just with each other, but more importantly with Him. This valley is in order for us to bring hope to the lost, hurting, broken people who He wants to know Him so badly. And as we link arms in this fight for our Savior, the mountaintops will be even more spectacular on the other side of the valleys.
It had been a claw to the finish kind of week and it is no coincidence God brought one of our incredible Squad Leaders, Zach, here to be a part of the experience. He helped bring such joy and encouragement to my team and I this week and jumped with both feet into what God was already doing through us here at Eden. He is giving us such a heart of compassion for the people here and it is propelling us into such a state of loving on them to bring them His hope and joy.
This week, we were to go to the Plot (Eden’s farm) to help encourage Lingford, our ministry host’s son who runs the farm, and also jump in on some manual labor to help him out more. As the second shuttle of our team was leaving for the Plot, things were just falling apart back at Eden and I was so broken-hearted to be leaving. Martha, my friend and the main cook in the kitchen, showed up to work doubled over with abdominal pain and crying. I assessed her and knew it wasn’t her appendix and did what I could for her and prayed over her, but we had to leave. They called an ambulance but I just wanted to be with her and go with her to the hospital. I just felt pulled in so many different directions and just cried the whole way to the Plot. As I was riding in the back with Olivia and Melissa, we passed a small heard of cows that were walking in a perfectly straight line on the edge of the road and going the direction of the flow of traffic without a herder (which, side-note, I love cows! A lot).
I laughed out loud with Olivia and in that small, tiny thing God spoke to me. In that moment, He reassured me of His hand over everything, that He chose to control those cows and He knew I would see them at that exact moment that He wanted me to. As badly as I wanted to be with my friend or stay and help cook meals for the residents since she couldn’t, He reassured me that I was right where I was supposed to be. And to let go of all of it. He was showing me that in such moments of helplessness, I can press in and find utter dependence upon Him (pun was an accident there, really). When we arrived at the Plot, all I wanted to do was lament; to sing praises and lift my heavy heart to God in the midst of the sorrow I felt. I knew only He could lighten it again. So I called the team together, told them what was going on and the heaviness I was feeling and we linked arms and hearts together in prayer.
Praising Him through the struggles is how we will make it through moments like these and learn dependence upon Him throughout the Race because I know this will not be the last sorrowful or helpless moment. But we will be a team that chooses to fight together and to submit to the Lord and praise Him in our moments of hurt. He will see us “through it all.” It was just one of the most beautiful moments I have experienced with my team thus far. How incredibly blessed I am to be here with these amazing people.
Lord, continue to grow us and call us to yourself. As you give us heavy compassion for those around us, continue to lighten our hearts by your peace which surpasses all understanding. Be our comfort in uncomfortable and growing moments and continue to strengthen us in the valleys that we go through.
