I have been feeling a lot of anxiety over the last few weeks since I officially started fundraising for my trip in July. There it is. The first sentence; my trip. We’ll get back to that…for now, anxiety; I have been feeling so weighed down by all of the money that needs to be raised for the trip. Every penny of that daunting $16,266 has been looming heavily over me and the fear of not being able to succeed in that has left me almost paralyzed at times. The thoughts come from a dark place that needs God’s light upon it, which is why it comes to me now; for me to realize that He has defeat over darkness; over fear and anxiety and worry. I get that. I know that He is here and He covers me. He provides for me daily and I shouldn’t question His capabilities in this…yet I do. The thoughts I have had are, “Will anyone understand enough or believe in me enough to give towards this mission?” or “Is anyone going to follow that nudge they feel to support me? What if they don’t?” or “Do they think I just want a vacation around the world? Do they understand all that I will endure for the sake of sharing the love of Christ?” These thoughts and more have been cycling through my head on an endless loop and tonight, as they cycled through again and I continued to pray them away, God spoke. “It’s mine, Laura. Not yours.”
All this time since I decided to go on the World race four months ago, I have been calling it my trip, my World Race, my journey. While I am the one going, I am not the one doing the work; He is. He has blessed me with a heart for Him. He lives inside this heart and He alone is the reason I cry, Abba, Father! (Isaiah 49:6) It is not my own doing. The desire I have in going is not mine, it came from Him. And as I contemplated that, I realized none of this is mine. The blessing I will get to be to the nations, that is not mine to own. The blessing it is to the people who support me isn’t mine to claim. The blessing the trip will be to me and my relationship with God will be incredible, I have no doubt…but that is not mine either. It all comes from Him. Every blessing I have received that has prepared me for this journey has all come from Him. Every single moment. And every future blessing I will receive from supporters also comes from Him, for He blessed them so they could be a blessing. In the same way, those blessings that I carry with me to every person I encounter in every country comes from Him. It is just traveling through different channels. And to bring it full circle, every blessing I receive as a result of the fruit of the process is from Him. It originates in Him and operates under and through Him to then reach Him. “In Him we live and move and have our being.” We are made for love.
Some people call it a calling, and what we do with the love He has given us is a pursuit for more of it; to give that love out in worship with all we are and receive more love back from Him in the process. That love that He wants us to pour out so He will be glorified, it is that love that leads us in the pursuit, whatever that may look like and wherever it may be.
As He spoke and reminded me that this World Race is not mine, He told me something else. Something I have a tendency to overlook and not fully grasp the depth of what it means. Something I hear Him say every time I feel His presence in the different ways He speaks to my heart. This time, He used the words from a book titled Undaunted: “and he calls you and others by that same name-a simple name; one word; just four letters, like love-that rings loudly through time and space because you have been chosen before time, and in His time, and beyond time…He calls us: MINE” (Christine Caine). As I read those words, tears flowed. As much as this Race is His, so am I. I belong to Him and with that assurance, I walk out the door today and into the next day free. Assured that He has this all worked out. Assured that as He has been working all kinds of things together since before I was born up to today and on into eternity, and He has every intention of following through on this call He has given me to go and be His light and love.
The t-shirt I am selling to help raise money for the Race says, “Love needs no translation” on the front. That short, simple phrase has been my constant reminder as I have been preparing for the trip and will remain in me for the duration. It reminds me that I am not adequate enough, linguistic enough, positive enough, patient enough or good enough…but He has qualified me. How did He? What has made me able to embark on the journey ahead? What has held me through the journey thus far? One word, like MINE…it is LOVE. As I go, I remember that word in all I do. As I prepare, I will focus on that word and the reminder it brings to assure my anxious heart; I belong to Him and He calls me, “Mine” and that did not come cheap. It is bound up in His love which was completely and perfectly magnified on a tree in the gift offering of His Son.
So let the fun begin! I am going to raise $16 grand! And He will get all the credit because this Race belongs to Him and so does every penny. Here we go!!
“…and do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things and your Father knows that you need them. Instead seek his kingdom and these things will be added to you.” (Luke 12:29-31)
Be blessed and bless on.
***PS…T-shirts are $30. email me if interested!! [email protected]***
