Swaziland
All Squad Month at El Shaddai Children’s Home, Mbabane
Bump after bump. Turn after turn on small seats. Higher we climbed up the mountains, weaving our way up and down and around. Maybe this is it? And down we would go, to come back up another mountain. Finally, we rounded a corner and the driver pointed to the orphanage where we would be spending the next month. El Shaddai. It sat there so perfectly positioned atop a mountain with one of the most spectacular views I’d ever seen. A river wound its way along the bottom edge of the our mountain and beyond it, you could see layers of rolling mountains that went on for miles. It was spectacular. This was home for the next month. And our entire squad of 54 would get to be here together, doing ministry and living in community with one another.
We piled off the buses and our teams were distributed among several different huts. The Sonflowers got lucky and we had one of the single huts that slept six, so our team would all be together. Before arriving to Swaziland, we had spent five days in Nelspruit and while there, the Lord was continuing to bring freedom (see blog). I was excited to continue to grow; to continue to let go and learn what it looks like to walk surrendered, trusting Him alone. But He taught me so much more about trust than I could have ever imagined.
Ministry:
There were several ministries we would do throughout the children’s home that ranged from cleaning pig pens, painting walls, fence-building, road crew, ministry with the kids, gardening, kitchen crew (both ours and their’s) and the clinic. Guess where I was? Ding, ding! The clinic. We rotated days people were in the clinic and so the days I wasn’t there, I was helping prepare meals for our squad in our kitchen or playing with the kiddos. We also had a buddy we were partnered with for the month whom we got to spend time with every day in the afternoons. It was a time to play, laugh, and just hang out and love on them.
I woke up early almost every morning to work out with my friend, Alysa. We ran up and down treacherous hills, well, I mostly jogged slowly behind, ‘taking in the views’ because the altitude had me sucking in air while Alysa, who’s from Colorado, ran up and down them effortlessly. I would usually help get breakfast ready after we worked out. Granola and yogurt (with peanut butter) was a crowd favorite. And lots of coffee (instant, of course). All of us would circle up and we’d pray, then eat, then people would disperse to their various ministries that day. We rotated so every day looked different, but always I found time on my rock. It was a spot where so many profound moments took place. Unforgettable conversations and memories I’ll never forget.
“Lorla! Lorla!” Dark faces with bursting bright smiles would yell at me as I walked up the hill to the clinic. They’d come running towards me to show me boo boos from their latest wrestling fights. Scrapes and cuts and dry, cracked feet. “Plastic, please!” and “I need stitches,” they’d say as they’d wait their turn in line to be seen. One by one, I washed their dirt-soaked skin and laughed with them while applying band-aide after band-aide. Then the high fives and hugs. So many precious hugs that I could never get enough of. As I helped care for those sweet boys, my heart broke thinking about there not being a mommy to kiss them goodnight and tell them it was going to be okay when they got hurt. I tried to love them as if they were my own, in hopes maybe someday their forever family would be grateful…like I’ll be to those who loved on the kids I hope to one day adopt.
I spent every other day at the clinic seeing the kids, teammates with stomach aches and sore throats, and local villagers that came with sore joints and respiratory infections. I also got to hang out with my friend, Nothando. She would sometimes translate for me with the local people. She wants to be a nurse and she has such a beautiful heart full of compassion for people. I have no doubt she would be a great one.
A few of my encounters with the local villagers are still very vivid in my mind. One man came in with back pain and high blood pressure but I’ll never forget his eyes. I asked the translator to ask him if there was something else wrong? He teared up as he mentioned his brother had recently died. My heart broke. We prayed together. The tears came, both his and mine, and I hoped the grief became a little easier to bear; knowing that someone else cared for him. That God cared for him and is with him.
Another day, I wasn’t even supposed to be working in the clinic. Eric came and grabbed me, saying two women came to be seen… so up I went. I got there and one described having terrible back pain shooting down her legs. I knew what places to massage and what stretches to show her; I’d been dealing with the same kind of pain the past ten years. It felt as though all that pain came together for that moment with her, to be able to empathize and help. She had no access to a CT scan or MRI, no physical therapist, masseuse, or chiropractor to go and have therapy once a week, no pain pills or muscle relaxers. It wasn’t possible for her to have all that. But, she had me; someone who had gone through all of that. And in that moment, I realized the pain I’d experienced was actually for a reason. The seemingly meaningless had a purpose all along. I was suddenly ashamed of myself for ever questioning why I was never healed. I massaged her back and hips and neck for a long time and then we prayed.
I learned that surrendering to His will means also I have to trust it. And trust the ‘when’ because only His perfect timing will reveal it.
Celebrations:
The same perfect timing came when my buddy finally opened up to me. It took a lot of back and forth and just remaining constant and present for her; showing I was there for her if she chose it. It was hard loving like that with no promise of it ever being reciprocated or even appreciated. But, isn’t that what love is meant for…to be given? Isn’t that where it is seen most beautifully? When given selflessly? Given out without a promise of a response. That is the love that was captured on the Cross. Jesus had no promise we would respond to that love He laid out for us there. But He gave all of Himself anyway. Loving that way is never returned empty. He completes it.
“And so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose; and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11)
I may never see the fruit of that love I gave in all these countries we’ve been to and all the people we’ve encountered, but it wasn’t for nothing. Even if only to grow and strengthen me and my faith, that trickles out to those around me.
I knew goodbye would come soon with Nothando. Would I still choose to love, even though that meant it would hurt more when we had to leave? I came to a crossroads and had to decide if it was worth it. I had to let go and trust. Trust in His ways, which are not my own. But they are good. Better. Best. I had to trust her with a God who kept proving over and over again that He was capable. I couldn’t deny that. Loving often looks like surrender. Leaving that place, I had to trust that those kids were all still in His hands and He would not let them go.
My U Squad Family:
He was also showing me that the people around me could be trusted, too. How did we grow as a squad? Through vulnerability. Vulnerability that reminds me of surrender and people willing to meet you in it and willing to love you in your hardest moments. People shared their testimonies during squad time which we had a few times a week. Through such powerful stories and all He was walking me through that month, He was showing me the darkness can never overcome His light; the beatuiful light which shines brightest in the darkest of places. The Lord put us all here together and on this journey to encourage one another and disciple one another in order to make our lights even brighter. Not for ourselves, but to go forward in order to shine in the darkest of places.
On the rock by our huts, you could look out at any given time throughout each and every day at El Shaddai and people were investing. They were spending time together, laughing, crying, praying, playing guitar-sometimes 5 at a time (Taysha, Alysa, Amber Kay, Robbie). We were choosing in. We worshipped together. We held a 24hour prayer and worship vigil that changed the atmosphere of that entire place. He always brought it back to worship throughout my entire eleven months.
We can’t worship without surrender and we can’t trust Him until we do.
And there it is, the ache in the form of longing comes and surrender turns to gratitude. The cycle of loving and leaving these places reminds me of a heartbeat. Sometimes I left full, sometimes I left empty, but always love was moving. And now that I’m gone, all I have left is to trust and pray that love is still moving in those places and the people I shared them with.
A few favorite moments at El Shaddai:
Receiving a promise on the Rock
Playing and singing with Amanda in our hut
Sharing my testimony with the entire squad
Giving haircuts
Deep talks in the clinic when not seeing patients
Seeing my friends take care of patients
Morning rounds through huts to take care of squadmates
Praying with locals after church whom I’d met in the clinic
Patching up a cut knee on a little boy during church service
Stitches to that knee with Eric and expired lidocaine. He was literally the toughest kid I’ll ever meet
Holding boys watching soccer while I tended to their cuts and scrapes
Shaylee falling out of a tree
Hammock days with my buddy and friend, Nothando who gave me the nick-name ‘Grandma’ (her’s was ‘Princess’)
House visits to local families. One had the cutest little boy who was FULL of joy.
Dance parties in the kitchen and outside with my team
Banana pancake days
Dance party with the El Shaddai girls (Allison had the best dance off with one of them)
Watching a boy with special needs dance and laugh during worship in church
Hearing the El Shaddai girls sing; they had the voices of angels
Carrying a little boy back half way through a hike because of a hurt leg
Bonfire night and s’mores with the kids
Followed by coal hot potato toss with my squadmates
Building a fort in our hut
Talking to the grazing cows on the mountain
Morning sunrises with the moon still high in the sky
The day the men served us so selflessly all day and washed our feet at the end of it
Running with Gretchen and the local boys from the village joined us
Playing with two huge mastiffs named Bilbo and Frodo
Working out with a group of 8 year olds in the mornings
