I’ve been measuring how close I am to launch for the World Race by the number of keys on my keychain. Slowly, over the last several months, I’ve been removing keys, each which symbolized something different for me. I’m currently down to two.
When I first started this journey back in February, I had keys to everything: the mailbox, my apartment, my car, my work, and my parents’ house. In July, I surrendered my apartment key, which was my refuge and place of peace. It was my own space where I was able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. At the beginning of the summer, I moved back home to Estes Park and as a result had to readjust to living with others. Giving up that key was like giving up my ability to be selfish.
Next to go was my car key. I bought my little Honda when I was 21 after I had worked and saved up for about two years. The title was in my name and I assumed all the responsibility for the maintenance and upkeep of the car. I was able to go where I wanted, when I wanted. When I sold the car, it meant that I had to borrow a car from my family or ride my bike- a detriment to my independence and ability to get around. It was a surrender of my independence.
In a few weeks, I’ll finish up my job and thus my ability to financially support myself. Instead, I’m gratefully and humbling depending on the generosity and support of those around me in order to help me. The final key to go will be that to my parents’ house, the home where I grew up and the safe place I knew I could always go when I needed.
Perhaps I’m being a bit melodramatic, but I’ve figured out why this practice of sacrifice and surrender has been difficult. On the surface, I’m only going to be gone for 11 months, not even a year. Yet this journey with the World Race is so much more than that for me. It’s the start of my obedience to God in being sent out for missions permanently. While this journey will be life changing and foundational in so many ways, one of the main reasons I’m pursuing this course is to see where the Lord may be calling me to serve long term and in what capacity. So when I return to America in September of 2012, it will no longer be home.
As I’ve been going through the process of preparation for leaving, I’ve been thinking a lot about sacrifice and surrender. I have sold, given away, or thrown out most of what I owned and plan to keep about 4 boxes of personal items stored at my parents’ house while gone. I decided long ago that if I’m going to pursue missions, it would have to be an all-out, full-fledge, and no holding back choice. If I’m called to this path (which I’m completely convinced that I am), then I can do nothing else BUT give everything in order to be obedient. If I didn’t, I would always know that I held back from God and tried to depend on myself. I want to intentionally put myself in the position where I am completely surrendered to and dependent on the Lord so that if He doesn’t show up, I will fail completely.
I don’t mean to make myself out to be altruistic or selfless, because I know at my core that I am not. However, this is the only thing that makes sense. I’m surrendering and sacrificing because I know its obedience to God’s will and purpose for my life. He has never promised us a comfortable life, but has continually asked His children to walk a harder path for the sake of His glory. If He asked His Beloved Son to surrender all, why wouldn’t He ask the same of me?
There is still part of myself, a rather large part of myself at times that is saying, “What are you doing?! You don’t need to get rid of anything, what if you need it when you come back?” But even when that voice is at it’s loudest, I still know that I’m making the right decisions, even when its hard. There are days when I struggle with walking away from everything that is familiar, comfortable, and predictable, and I’m afraid that God won’t show up; yet I am at peace knowing that I am giving everything for the sake of knowing Him and making Him known.
On October 7, 2011 I will get on a plane and start this journey with the World Race. I’m pretty sure I’ll cry, as I have already, when saying goodbye to my family and friends. I am leaving behind a lot, possibly forever. But I will go, rejoicing in the knowledge that I am going for a greater purpose.
“Attempt such great things for God that, without His help, we are destined to fail.”
