Its only been two and a half weeks, but my time at CGA has already been marked by spiritual awakening, intimacy with Jesus, and worship. And it is only going to get better.
Every Monday morning, the entire staff of Adventures in Missions comes together for collective worship. Its been everything from baptisms to speaking prophecy to remembering the ways that God has broken our hearts for the nations, and the sweetness of those times has been invaluable to me.
Last week, Abba gave me a vision in the middle of worship. We were in the middle of asking the Lord about the soil in our hearts: is it rich and ready or in need of weeding? As we were being walked through asking the Father about the condition of our hearts, I started to see my surroundings. I was in a field covered by brilliant red poppies and tall waving grasses. In the distance were lofty mountain peaks capped by snow, and my favorite smell of pine after the rains was thick in the air. The air was warm and the sky was a deep blue, unmarred by skylines or storms. It was a place I had never been, but was so full of peace. It was my Selah place.
As I took in the majesty of my surroundings, I looked to my left and saw Him. Jesus. He was standing a little ways off and as soon as I saw him, my heart leapt in recognition and joy. He was here! He was with me!
I can’t even begin to describe the intimacy of that moment. I started weeping out of the sheer joy of His presence and kept repeating, “You’re here! You’re here!” We didn’t exchange words. I just sat and leaned up against him, content in His presence and enjoying the nearness of Him. He was holding me, the very thing I had so desperately wanted and cried out for again and again on the race.
I’ve begun to intentionally put myself back in my Selah place, and as I’ve done so I’ve come to understand that my Selah place and my heart are the same. Its beautiful, vast, and He is here.
A few days ago, I was shown that there is a bridge crossing over the river that runs along the boundary. I thought it led the way out, but what I soon came to realize is that it exists so that I may lead people in. I need to lead people into my heart, let them come in and celebrate the nearness of God, His beauty, and His presence. I need to open my heart up to those in my life instead of shutting them out in fear or shame.
I’ve been shut off to my own emotions for far too long, seeing it as weakness or vulnerability. I want to let emotions overcome me and be what they are. I want to cry in joy at the very knowledge that Jesus is here, to accept my feelings of hurt or rejection, and not think that life needs to look or be a certain way.
In this season, the wretchedly beautiful time, I want to wait in expectant hope for what my Abba, my Jesus, is cultivating. And its already lovely.
