One of the first exercises that we did at training camp involved us intentionally and purposefully surrendering our expectations of the coming 11 months. Expectations of living situations, of comfort levels, of food, of hot water and personal space were all areas I had no problem relinquishing. I think I’ve traveled enough to understand what I could realistically understand to be available in the countries we would be traveling to.
What I’m slowing seeing and realizing is that I had expectations that I didn’t even know I had. Expectations of love and friendship, of ministry, of myself, and even others have been continually coming up these past few weeks and each time I must battle through how to surrender and lay them down.
I had to lie down my preconceived notion that ministry means always doing and often means being. I had to lay my expectations of relationships and what I expect others to do and know about me, especially in the area of loving me well and my ability to love others well. I have to lay down my expectations of the Lord and how I think He should show up or work in my life and the lives of others. I have to lay down my expectations of myself, learn to have grace and to find my worth and value in the Lord and not in those around me.
The other night we had a squad meeting where we addressed many of these issues and more. As I sat there listening to the encouragement and constructive words of others, I was reminded of a powerful truth: we have no rights. It is by the mercy and love of the Lord that allows us to live and move and be. I have no right in and of myself to take another breath. I have no rights at all, not even to life.
What would it look like if we lived out this truth? Would I get as hurt or frustrated by the actions and words of others? Would I get worked up when things don’t go as planned? I have been so awed by the realization that each breath I take is by the grace of a loving God. I want to live my life the way that Jesus lived His life here on earth: in complete surrender and without any ideas of entitlement or privilege.
“For in Him we live and move and have our being.” Acts 17:28
