I admit that even as I write these words, I have no idea where this blog will end up. It will probably end up a strange mix of everything I'm learning and experiencing, so please bear with me, readers of these ramblings.
As I've shared in past blogs, I've been walking through a wilderness for the last few months. As I've been thinking and processing about what this means and where to go from here, the same theme keeps recurring in my thoughts: walk it out. What this means is that when I ask to be a woman of prayer, that I need to start praying. When I ask to be a woman of worship, then I need to start worshiping. When I ask to be loving, I must start loving. When has anything worth having come easily? It's a fight and a battle of endurance to obtain the prize, one that I want to fight with passion, courage, and strength. As I've been in this wilderness, I've had the verse from Psalm 27:14 stuck on my heart:
"Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD."
I want to be like the woman with the perfume, like Mary, and sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to His voice. I want to sit in holy stillness before the throne of the Most High God and breathe in what He breathes out. I want to worship with complete abandonment and passion because I am so lost in Who He Is that I disappear into the light of His glory. I want to bask, to soak, to drink in His presence and enjoy Him.
So how do I do both? How do I walk out what I want to become and sit in stillness before Him? I don't this they're mutually exclusive, but oh, Father, do I need Your help! I don't want to come home the same, I don't want to just exist through this experience. I want each day to be marked with intention and purpose and surrender to Your will. I want to be so captivated and lost in You that every word and move and moment is in You. Only You can bring this to pass, so I humbly and hungrily ask and wait.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'this is the way; walk in it.' " Isaiah 30:21
