This blog is written with a heavy heart… As most know, the race is a place of one thing really, and that is abandonment. I feel like I have given and given and often have nothing left to give up. I made a comment the other day… “I wouldn’t be sad to lose anything… just my iPod…” Stupid. Really, I feel like my whole pack with all of those heavy clothes could just disappear and I would be fine, just please don’t take my music right?
I am fortunate to have an amazing family at home who loves me and shows it… Before I left home many of them recorded a personal message to me which I had saved on my iPod. There were many movies, lots of music collected over two years (that wasn’t saved anywhere – lesson learned) and other things that were important to me. Trust me, it was important…
So here’s the story: yesterday, I decided that I wanted some music off of Sarah’s computer. I was alone in our room, and just flipping through music, then… it happened… everything froze. I didn’t panic, just sat there. (The race has conditioned me to wait for everything.) So I sat… but several minutes passed, so I did the unthinkable… I force ejected my iPod. Needless to say, when I got it back on, the “No Music, No Videos, No Podcasts” labels were sort of harsh to read. I didn’t freak out surprisingly. I think I just started to deal with it. I plugged it back on and started over, filling it up with whatever Sarah had.
Amber walked in from taking a shower, and as soon as I said, “it’s all gone…” the tears came. Kind of ridiculous, but if you knew or know what music is to me you would get it. I told my team that if you took off everything that was ever sentimental and meant something to me, and you put on a bunch of random stuff, some I’ve never heard of, that would be my iPod right now.
I know that many of you might read this, shake your head and walk away not understanding, but when you have that one thing that you are still holding on to and you lose it, well… not much to do about it I guess. Sitting here today, listening to O.A.R. or something that I didn’t have before… I think… I don’t know, maybe it’s good that I don’t have seemingly anything to hold onto now… haha. “I surrender all…”
… no this isn’t mine, but I was not emotionally stable enough to think of taking a pic in the moment… this was what I saw though.. ha
