I feel like being serious for a bit, so give me grace, huh?
I am on the World Race… still. I had a moment today when I remembered
finding out about this trip and just the thought of it was honestly ridiculous
and so long and asked so much. I
remember actually going to training camp and still not really being sure about
the whole thing. I knew this was God,
but I had a hard time believing it in my head. I thought I knew a lot. I thought
I had most of it together…
Fast forward to Thailand, month three, I was in the middle of a worship service
that I blogged about forever ago. God
spoke to me that night. I knew that He
was alive in me, was restoring all of my abandon and all of my brokenness. I knew at that moment I was supposed to be
here. I still had no clue what I was
supposed to be accomplishing or not accomplishing, but I guess I knew enough to
get a tattoo (still no regrets).
The end of that month lead to something totally unexpected
and seemingly out of place… leadership. Didn’t see that one coming, and I was pretty convinced that I was
absolutely not fit for the job. I was unsure,
but because I can’t say no and I felt it was God deep down anyway, I cried for
like 30 minutes and agreed. I realize
now that it was God pushing me forward… I tend to look back a lot.
Africa-well, not much I can say but those three months
brought nothing easier, only more struggle, burnout and no motivation. I learned that it is even harder to lead a
team when you don’t really want to do what is asked. Again, this wilderness middle of the race was
a place that I of course needed. I am
also learning that God knows what I need, even when it sucks.
I am in India now – the whole reason I signed up for this
thing to begin with. I thought by the
time I would get here I would be so blinded by exhaustion that I wouldn’t care
like I wanted to, but again, I am pretty sure and can honestly know that as
this point in my life, I trust God more than I ever have. He seriously knows, and His timing is more
than perfect… it’s almost hilarious actually.
We are working with a ministry this month called Capstone
Community Church lead by my new friends Paul and his wife Anita. I can’t say enough about how amazing they
have been and have made this month far exceed my greatest expectations… even
though we aren’t supposed to have any. Their ministry is all about loving people exactly where and who they are
and walking them to freedom. Sounds a
bit World Racy, I know… it’s awesome. Paul is also a phenomenal musician and their ministry is all about music
which is more than just my heart. I have
loved this month, this country, these people, and this place that I am in. I adore that God knows, and He is always
good. I know that He loves me. I believe that He has a plan for my life and
that I am taking steps as He directs.
I know who holds my future… I don’t want to sound cheesy, but He loves me. And like my grandma used to say when we were
growing up… “I am somebody and I am going somewhere.”
By the way… Capstone’s slogan is the title of this blog… love it.
