You know that expression about having a light bulb moment? The metaphor being, you were once stumbling around in the darkness of a situation, but then received a revealing truth that illuminated everything.
That was me at our squad debrief week in Granada, Nicaragua.
View of Granada at sunset
But first, let me back up a second.
A “debrief” for the World Race happens between months of ministry where the entire squad gathers for days of reflection, one-on-one meetings with Adventures in Missions staff that fly out, team sessions, and full group worship and encouragement. With, of course, a little bit of fun and adventure thrown in. These debriefs are not every month. A typical route on the World Race has 4 debriefs throughout the 11 months.
Our debrief looked a bit different than the norm because we also had the Gray Media staff with us, conducting one-on-one Barbara Walters style interviews, filming all individual team debriefs with Adventures staff, training the field producers (each team has one racer that has the role of film producer which means they are in control of the camera and what filming is captured from that team), and loving us through their constant acts of service.
So, not only are you talking through your thoughts and emotions and opinions on team conflict from the past month with your teammates and squad leaders in a very honest and direct way, but also you are having to do all this with a camera crew filming it in real time with real conversations and real reactions and real laughter and real tears. And afterwards, having professional one-on-one interviews that ask you follow up questions about personal struggles with teammates. INTENSE, RIGHT?!
Absolutely.
But saturated in beauty.
Many people would question and even be opposed to expressing their deep thoughts and feelings to a camera, not knowing exactly what will happen with that footage … that vulnerable and exposed part of you that you’ve let escape the safe confines of your heart.
Yet it is there in that hesitation and uncertainty where I find such beauty and freedom. When God led me to join this documentary project of the World Race, I had no idea what I was jumping into. Is this something that would take away from my Race, God? How will I react to the camera? Will I be different? Will it cause me to not be focused on You and Your work? I didn’t know the answers to these questions when I agreed, but I also didn’t know what all I would get out of this in return. I didn’t expect the cameras to be so small and nonintrusive. I didn’t expect for me to not be bothered or distracted by the filming. I didn’t expect to establish genuine FRIENDSHIPS with the crew. I didn’t expect to be so open with my feelings to the camera. I didn’t expect to be so invested in this documentary and the redemptive possibilities it may bring. I didn’t expect to receive encouragement and prayers from the media staff. I didn’t expect personal revelation to occur while sitting under the lights in the interview chair.
God knew it though.
So, going back to that light bulb moment. While I was stumbling in the darkness of my scrambled thoughts and emotions, God brought about His truth through the trusting voice of Trey Hill and the gentle, yet illuminating questions of Maureen Gray. Connecting the dots of my past experiences to my current ones, seeing the larger and more spectacular story within a story, reassuring me that it’s ok to let go, pointing me to my teammate’s needs, exposing my humanity and need for Christ in all things, helping me realize that helping people sometimes looks like letting them walk away.
I left my interview puffy-eyed, tear-stained and exhausted. I kept thinking, “This is the end of Month 1! I’m not supposed to be this wrecked until Month 6 or something! How the heck am I gonna make it?”
I laugh now when I read that back. Cause I’m still asking myself that question.
I left debrief heavy. Heavy with truth spoken over my life and the darkness of uncertainty I was stumbling through.
So, what am I gonna do with all this new light?
Get up, walk around in it, and start seeing with new eyes the things that the darkness once covered.
