To try to verbalize all that took place last week at my Training Camp is kinda like asking me why I love Star Wars or British Literature or jumping off rope swings into crystal clear lakes. It’s just hard to put together in coherent and cohesive thoughts.
So many areas of my life were affected: my spirit, my emotions, my physical body, my mind … . And I really don’t even know where to begin.
They all told me that I’d experience this. They told me to prepare to be asked questions that I really can’t answer. They told me that all my answers will seem like a cheap and easy, “It was so great.” But they also told me to share. To share my story. To share what I experienced. And to share what God revealed to me. No matter how difficult it will seem to be.
So, I’m taking their advice.
Bus Night with K Squad
First of all, Training Camp really wasn’t what I imagined it to be. I didn’t “learn” how to be a missionary. I wasn’t given step by step instructions labeled “How to Lead an Impoverished Person to Christ.” Nope. That wasn’t the focus of this camp. The overwhelming topic of discussion centered around ME. ME and my relationship with CHRIST. Because, let’s face it, if that relationship isn’t on point, then what are we doing here at camp?
I could tell you all about our ever-changing sleeping arrangements every night. Go into detail about EACH night and its individual struggles [e.i. “sleeping” on a 44 passenger bus with 58 people].
I could tell you about the food. How each day represented a continent, complete with cultural eating rules and customs. How it really didn’t matter what was in front of us (to an extent) because we were THAT hungry.
I could tell you about the squad challenges. The successes and the failures. The comradery built and the stretching of trust and security within it. So much I could say here. (One word: Market)
I could tell you about the Holy Spirit enveloping an afternoon workout session. How His power quite literally carried me through. How He used the women around me to empower me and push me to excellence. How through song, we felt the Spirit surround our circle of 100 squats.
I could tell you about my KSquad fellow racers. How God knitted our hearts together over that week. How the Holy Spirit moved over us and through us as we laid hands on fellow racers, lifting them up, praising the Father for their presence and their gifts. How all we really wanted was just more time together. How we really didn’t want to leave each other on Saturday.
I could tell you about the three days that stretched me past my breaking point. The days that almost defeated me physically, mentally, and spiritually. The blows that kept coming, one after continuous other.
I could tell you about the voices that kept me steady. The voices that were beside me during these days that DIDN’T let me give up. They figuratively, and at times physically, supported the weight of defeat and aided me in my time of need.
I could tell you about the shock and utter disbelief I felt when I was asked to be a team leader of a group of five women. The feelings of inadequacy and fear. The questioning of God through it all. The humbling of my own STUFF. The whispers from the Father, full of comfort and love and grace.
I could tell you what the Holy Spirit revealed to me over the week. The prophetic words for others, the examination of my heart, the doubtful acceptance of who I am AND who I am not, the visible picture of servanthood for others that God rested upon me, and the chain-breaking, doubt-erasing conversation with God that happened in the oddest of ways.
But rather than tell you ALL about that, I will tell you what I left camp with. (Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition, but DEAL. I’m an English teacher, and I don’t care, so give it a rest.)
I left camp with … a community of supporters, dancers, encouragers, caller-outers, praisers, comforters, laugh-out-louders, stay-up-all-nighters, Jesus-lovers. This group of hilariously awesome people that will become my family. Okkkkk. THEY ALREADY ARE MY FAMILY. Seriously, it’s a David and Jonathan thing going on, “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” 1 Samuel 18:1
K Squad (that’s where the “K” in #keepingupwithK comes from. *insert oooohhh’s and aaahhhh’s here*). Can You spot me? Where’s Waldo … but the Laura version.
I left camp … knowing my role for this next year. Early in the week, I received a mental picture. I saw arrows in a stair step formation, one arching up and pouring down the step into the next arrow, and then that arrow doing the same arching upwards then pouring down the next step to the other arrow.
(Similar to this except with a stair step of other arrows)
You’re probably thinking, “Um. Cool? Why is this important to your story about Training Camp?” God began to illuminate the meaning of this image as the week continued. The first few days, like I said earlier, were spent directly examining your relationship with Christ. Areas of your life that you haven’t given over to God. People who have hurt you. How the Spirit connects with you individually. Being quiet and listening to Him … This image of the arrows represents my spiritual responsibilities. I need to be poured into DAILY. I need to humble myself and seek more of HIM. To seek guidance for decisions and attitudes I face. God is my comforter, pouring into me HIMSELF. For me to be filled with HIM. Cause, if I’m honest, there’s nothing in me that’s worthy. It’s all from Him. Like in James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above … ” But, the cool thing about my picture is that the arrow doesn’t just RECEIVE. It, in turn, takes what it was given, then pours it out into the other arrow. This is also my responsibility and purpose for this time. To take what God gives me and let it spill into my teammates, my squad mates, and into the hearts of the nations around the world. What a beautiful display! Throughout the week, these instructions become more and more clear.
I left camp with … a team of women who will change the world. I want to introduce you to Team Agape Warriors!! I’m honored to pour into these beautiful people and for them to pour into me. These women will be my team that I’ll serve with for the entire 11 months! There will be growth, pain, joy, peace, and tears. Lots of tears. (Especially from me because apparently I cry A LOT??? This is a new thing. Just saying.)
Team Agape Warriors (clockwise – click for their blogs!): Amber Jackson, Jenny Muller, Alexis Coryell, me, Breanna Witvoet, and Stefani Brewster
I left camp with … chigger bites. In very inopportune places. It was NOT pleasant.
I left camp with … some of the most exciting beginnings of relationships I have ever had. (Does that make sense?) I’m stoked to see where God takes these friendships!! They mean so much to me already. I’m TELLING you. It’s a David and Jonathan thing.
Beth and Hannah
Squad wars with these bros
Hanging out after a session with Laura, Anna, and Kayla
Being normal with Josef and Taylor
Another K Squad team!
During one of the many dance parties
K Squad Team Leaders!! Lots (and I say lots!) of love here for this crew! #ss
Hannah, me, Grace, and Victoria about to go CRAY for squad wars!
And lastly, I left camp … FULL of GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I mentioned earlier that I was beyond shocked about being asked to be a team leader. I went into the week thinking that I *may* have what it takes to be a leader. But I learned REAL QUICK that I have a ton of stuff I had to work on, and I scratched that thought on DAY 1. Every day, God seemed to be speaking truth into me that humbled me, that made me grab on to Him, that striped me of everything. So, needless to say, I was done thinking I had ANYTHING to offer. Cause I don’t. Mid-way through the week, I experienced those insane three days that pushed me in ways I can’t even articulate. I was low. I saw what I was and what I needed to grow in, and I was ready to have a leader pour into me. But, that’s when God revealed his love to me. That he sees me in my lowliness, in my sin, in my failures, and He still wants me. And wants to use me. Guys. It was a huge thing to accept. HUGE. So, being asked into leadership was big. And I began to know that it was what the Lord wanted me to do.
After training camp, I spent the weekend with some girls that God has blessed me with. They are WR alums and helped me process all the craziness that is Training Camp. Love y’all more than you know, roomies. On the way home, I went to an REI to exchange my sleeping pad and look around for some gear that I may need. I had had some awesome conversations with multiple workers, explaining my trip and the ministry. I kept thinking, “Thanks God! You are providing me opportunities to speak life!” Then I went to exchange my sleeping pad and was having some issues with them accepting it, so I just prayed that the Lord would find a way. And He did. The REI guy, Kyle, helping me was so patient and kind, and he asked me where I had been camping, so I told him. Before I could finish, he said he knew the World Race and that he had looked in my exact Route (so he would’ve been on K Squad!), but that God had provided opportunities for him in Atlanta with church planting so he wouldn’t be doing the Race.
Shocked with his response, I expressed the difficulty of the week and that God was molding me into things I didn’t even know I could be. He then looked into my eyes and told me that God chooses the weak and obscure to bring about His glory. 1 Corinthians. God literally was speaking through him. Into my heart. God’s glory will be made even MORE evident through me and my weaknesses! I’ve never been able to wrap my head around God’s unconditional love for me. I’m so beat up and broken and fail him everyday. BUT, when Kyle said that, God was saying to me that He sees my weaknesses and still chooses me! He will get even more of the praise cause we’ll ALL know, it can’t be me, but ONLY Him through me. This is when I stopped just knowing that being a team leader was a part of this journey and starting BELIEVING in this role and God’s choice to use me!!
Needless to say, I walked out of REI and wept on my way to my car. Then cried out to God in the parking lot. Thanking Him and praising Him! These chains that held me down–chains of failure, chains of doubt, chains of never being good enough, chains of seeking people’s approval–were shattered by Kyle and God’s words. Kyle, if you ever read this, you will never know how much this meant to me.
Sorry.
I know this was long. Probably will be my longest blog. But, I hope that you can get just a GLIMPSE of what this week meant to me.
These are my verses that I’m meditating on this month before I leave:
And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
-Matthew 5
And the song that’s speaking to me now:
Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. Thanks for loving me through it.
-Laura
