As a team exercise during month ten, we each wrote letters to a teammate and to ourselves to open sometime upon return to the US. This letter is a combination of those two letters that I wrote back in Moldova. I've found it to be good closure to this eleven month journey:
Remember the times you stepped out of your comfort zone over the last eleven months? Do you remember being nervous, but stepping out in faith anyway? Didn't it feel scary, but so right? God never intends that stepping out in faith to stop. While that felt like "world race life" it is the kind of life that the Lord intended us to live everyday. That should be your normal.
In comparison to the last year of your life, where you traveled to some of the poorest countries in the world, living on almost nothing, and living a life of complete service to those around you, how are you making an impact now? Now that you're back in the culture of self-satisfaction and comfort (and alone time and the ability to manage your time and escape responsibility and conviction if you want to), how are you impacting your world with Kingdom? The first thing you need to tell yourself is not to compare your life this last year on the world race to your life now. They are completely different seasons and the Lord intended them to look different from one another. Your impact may not look as "social justice-y" or "missionary-y" as it did on the world race, but the Lord wants to use your skills and experiences for different purposes, which are equally important in the Kingdom of God. Don't retreat! And besides, you aren't judged by the quality or quantity of your actions, but by the posture of your heart.
As a sweet reminder, here are some of the biggest lessons you learned this last year:
- You can truly find joy in suffering because that is when you have to depend most on the Lord (remember Haiti…).
- There is FREEDOM in my relationship with God! God created me to experience Him best in specific ways and He is most glorified when I experience Him in those ways. It doesn't have to look like Bible study, church, prayer all the time. Go for a run! Look at the ocean! Listen to GOOD music (yes, secular music is OK)! Enjoy life! You experience God in different ways and it's ok!
- Prayer actually is powerful and effective. It is important and can cause change. My prayers have the ability to alter outcomes. Remember that time you dared Him to make it rain and He did? Do that more often.
- You are not that great. You have faults. You might be good at showing humility outwardly, but work on cultivating humility inwardly. Remember how being in constant community showed you that you can't be "on" all the time, like you were used to doing at home – where you could flip your switch "on" whenever people were around and "off" when they weren't. You're not that great, you can't be "on" all the time, and other people know that now – so, the secret's out! That's why there's grace.
- I cannot blame my team or those around me for the things I don't like about myself. I cannot use them as an excuse, saying that they bring out those things in me. I am me, good things and bad things – take ownership!
- In the end, all I can know for certain is that God is sovereign. And when I don't understand something, this is the truth I can stand on.
If life seems boring when you get home, or at any point, remember that the Lord sometimes will take you through slower seasons – and that's ok, because your life is not "wasting away," you're only 22 for goodness' sake! You have many more years of adding experiences to your "arsenal" whether they be in rapid succession or over a longer period of time. You will experience everything that the Lord intends you to experience on earth. And if you never get to go back to Turkey and see Hagia Sophia, the Lord will take you there when you're in heaven – and you'll get to see all those places you never got to see on earth (they'll probably be even more spectacular in heaven anyway).
One thing I can say you've definitely grown into this year is your love and appreciation for music and the realization that the Lord can be glorified in and through this love. So, here are some of the songs that were significant over this last year, whether it be just for fun or for deeper reasons:
- "The String That Ties Us" – Beautiful Eulogy
- "Lost in My Mind" – The Head and the Heart
- "Never Gonna Leave Me Dry" – IHOP-KC (w/Cory Asbury)
- "Higher Love" – James Vincent McMorrow
- "Come Thou Fount" – Kings Kaleidoscope
- "Paint" and "Featherstone" – The Paper Kites
- "Wide Eyes" – Local Natives
- Pretty much all of Milo Greene
- Pretty much all of Ben Howard
- "All For You" – Starfield
- "Love Takes Hold" – Luke Turley
- "Anchor," "And What Remains," "Be Set Free," "Children of the Earth," "Pilot Me," "Processional," "Run," "107" – Josh Garrels
Remember Hebrews 6:19 (Good thing you didn't get those tattoos…)
Love, Laura
P.S. Don't stop praying for your teammates and squadmates!
