I’ve been learning some huge lessons on stewarding throughout this journey. Stewarding my time, stewarding my personal gifts, stewarding my health, and doing all of that well and to God’s glory.
“Those who sow in tears shall reap in joyful shouting.” Psalms 126:5
I listened to a sermon by Bill Johnson last month and He spoke on this verse. He told a story of a missionary in Africa that learned firsthand what this verse means. The missionary watched a woman with a young child strapped to her back planting seeds in the ground. As she placed the seeds in the soil she wept. She wept because although her child and her were very hungry in that moment and needed to eat those seeds, she knew that if she didn’t plant them instead, there would be no food for weeks to come.
When I heard this I was convicted to the core. I had the sobering realization that had I been her, my child and I would have eaten the seeds and as a result suffered the consequences later. Although I cannot even begin to imagine the hunger that that woman and her child experienced, I have made poor decisions that have caused me to experience spiritual depletion and emotional unhealthiness for years.
One of my greatest struggles has been with instant gratification. Not with material things, but mainly when it comes to stewarding my time well or consistently having quick/easy/unhealthy meals where I could have been making healthier choices. There are ways in which I haven’t been willing to sacrifice what I want in the moment, for what will bring the Lord the most glory. As a result, I struggled with my health for a long time. My poor eating habits and using food instead of God to fill me up after devastating losses led me to having to have my gall bladder removed, which led to other emotional complications.
Although I’m eternally grateful to be healthy today and to have had so much inner healing in the last couple years, I know that the discipline of being a good steward is something that I desperately desire to grow in. I truly desire to honor God with what I have been given, whether that be extra time in the day to spend with just Him, or stewarding the personal gifts He has given me so that He ALWAYS receives the firstfruit…
Earlier this month, we spent a week at Izumi Church in Osaka. Our schedule was filled with tons of ministry. One of the ministries I personally was asked to lead quite a bit in was in leading worship. We had lots of services that were centered around worship which is something that the Lord has gifted me in and it’s something that I absolutely love. On the last day at the church we had a prayer meeting in the morning where I was asked to lead us in impromptu worship. Honestly, I was very tired and what I wanted to do was rest in His presence and read my Bible, but because I was asked to serve in that way I agreed. I sang for maybe 5 minutes and the Lord told me to go sit down, and I was obedient. He clearly told me that my own PERSONAL ministry to the Lord should always be priority over serving in corporate times of ministry, even if it means having to gracefully say “no”.
I realized that God does not only want us to be good stewards of the gifts we have been given, but He is also jealous for them. See, He gave me the gift of music but the main purpose of that was to cultivate more intimacy between Him and I FIRST, then it was for the edification of the body and for corporately ministering to Him.
Whether it is a personal gift, or my time, or honoring God with what I eat, all of it is meant to glorify Him. I’m confessing this to the world, to whoever is reading this blog, that I’ve had a heart change. I no longer believe the lie that what I want, or what others ask for in the moment, is more important or fulfilling than what God Himself is asking for. I also receive His incredible grace for all the poor decisions I’ve made in the past. I am excited to embrace what God is teaching me about stewarding all His beautiful gifts well. I look forward to more breakthrough every day as I choose more of Him and less of me. Most of all, I look forward to seeing Him more clearly as He continues to purify my heart as He draws me closer and closer to Him.
