When I returned home from the Race, I was sure what I was doing next.
I was going to spend a year interning with Beauty From Ashes Ministries in Fort Myers, Florida working to rescue women and girls in the sex industry.
It had been confirmed. I was sure of it. No doubt in my mind.
8 months later, I am still at home.
I never made it to Florida.
And I struggled with it for a really long time.
Did I not hear from the Lord??
Did the founder not hear clearly either?????
Was God punishing me??
Why would He bring me back home and then just leave me there????
All these thoughts and questions swirled around in my head and at some point, anger began to take root in my heart.
I didn’t understand.
I didn’t.
But eventually I came to a place where I was able to release Beauty from Ashes and simply allow the Lord to do whatever He was doing, even if I still wasn’t entirely sure what that was.
So, in January, I accepted a job as a nanny for a family whose prescious baby girl was just 3 months old at the time. (Anyone who knows me knows that this has got to be the biggest joke the Lord has ever played….EVER).
But in this time, He has been teaching me a lot more about what it means to be a daughter and more importantly, what it is to be loved by the Father. Truths that my team members were trying to convince me of Month 2 of the Race are finally beginning to take root in my heart and it is a sweet place to find rest.
Rest that was all of a sudden completely disturbed and went out the window when the opportunity for me to go back to the Philippines arose and landed on my front porch.
I, of course, immediately received it with an excitement that I hadn’t felt in quite a while. Especially since I would be going back with the ministry that my team got to be a part of while we were there and I would get to see those precious girls again that I got to spend a month building relationships with.
But that excitement quickly turned to fear and I spent the next three days on my face before the Lord, mostly in tears, asking (begging, really) Him to make it REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY clear whether or not I was supposed to go because I was too terrified to move out on something again only to have it not work out.
And on Saturday night, I had a conversation with a dear friend and teammate about our response to the Lord when we don’t understand what He’s doing and what it looks like to step out, risk, and trust again after such disappointment.
And after three days of praying about it and fasting, one of the leaders in my church spoke these words over me: “The Lord says ‘I release you to go. My daughter, you have no idea how much I delight in you. Go and do so in boldness.'”
And so I’m going. In May, I will be returning to the Philippines with Kenny Sacht and Wipe Every Tear to love, serve, and pour into the lives of women and young girls who are currently being bought, sold, and trafficked in hopes of rescuing them out of the sex trade.
I have started a campaign on GoFundMe to raise support for this trip. In order to give or just find out more about it, please CLICK HERE!!
As always, thank you for your support and encouragement as I continue to follow after the Lord 😀
