If your dreams don't scare you, you aren't dreaming big enough.
I know I am dreaming big. To be honest, it scares me. But it's also how I know I am following God's crazy cool calling on my life.
I hope you will be able to follow my ramblings. God is really molding me and working in me. I am learning so much, so this is my attempt at being vulnerable and open about how He is changing and preparing me.
Since my Daddy went to Heaven, I've been afraid that something will happen to someone I love. This is a fear I battle often. I know that I cannot live in fear. For those of you who do not know, I was out of the country when it happened. My mom had to call me and tell me that he was gone. I had to figure out a flight and travel alone all day to make it back home. It hurt. It was lonely. I felt hopeless.
That phone call is forever embedded in my memory. I am still funny about phone calls–certain tones make my heart race. It scares me to know that I will be gone for almost a year. I can't just hop on a plane for a weekend visit when I miss family and friends. Trust and peace. This is something the Lord is teaching me through this. I am not in control. I have never been in control–it's his plan–his timing. Let it go. This scares me because it's a God size dream. Life isn't going to be comfortable. I am walking into unknown waters. I will be away from everything I know for almost a year. Hello, I will be living in a tent. Confession time: I have NEVER slept in a tent. The first time I put one up was last week (and it was NOT pretty)! Start praying for me now! 
Ha!
But in all seriousness, I have been learning so much in the last few months. The girls on my squad and I are reading the Gospels. It has been so cool reading and learning the character of Jesus like I never have before. I have really been learning about living out my authority and boldness that I have in Him.
This has gone hand in hand with the series that my church is doing. Who am I? It's all about learning our identity in Christ. We are created in His image. I am who he says I am. Not anything less.
I am Spirit-led. "The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you." Romans 8:11
I am following what God has spoken to me. I am a Christ-follower. I can't lead as a follower. I am NOT in control. This is where that thing called trust comes into play. God will take care of my family better than I can being here. He will provide protection and provision for them. I have to trust and find peace in Christ. It's hard, but God has called us with great purpose. Notice I said US. He's called YOU with great purpose too– even if you aren't sure what that looks like yet.
A wise woman told me recently, God wastes NOTHING. Jesus, use every ounce of us to bring you glory-wherever that be-school, a job, a restaurant, the mission field–whatever it looks like, use us to bring glory to you.
God has to lead. So, I am learning to let go and trust. I am learning to walk in boldness and authority. I am saying yes (even when it scares me).
So, here I am Lord. I am Yours. Lead me and use me for your glory. It's ALL for your glory.
