Wine, the cup of His suffering, it stings hot and dangerous down my willing throat. She became wine, dangerous to my protective barrier walls. You can’t know the wine you will be during the days you are breaking and being crush like grapes.
Aren’t the most painful chapters of our lives always the most meaningful?
Suffering is an act of surrender, to bear under that which is not under our control. Is this why we desperately try to avoid pain, because suffering is a surrender to the uncontrollable?
These past few months I have felt like a grape which is being pressed. The past few months have been extremely challenging. I have been undoing everything that I thought society wanted me to be. I constantly felt like I was crushed and broken. I have been squeezed by an assortment of different pressures and felt like I was hollow on the inside.
These days, I feel like I don’t know who I am. Through the past few months I have been striving, doing and being what I thought everyone needed. Little did I know that it would be unhealthy and I would be at the point of pure exhaustion by the end of month 1. This was my breaking point, my lowest of lows. Everything I had been doing was not enough. I began to listen to the voice that I have fought so hard to keep out- “you’re not enough” but it crept back in. At the beginning of Month 3 I decided to no longer play offense but defense. I was going to be me and unapologetically!
I know from the pressure and the brokenness that I can become everything I was designed to be! Sure I’m still going to be a work in progress but I know I’m headed in the right direction.
Never in a million years did I think I would be where I am today but I am so glad I am. All the tears, the struggles, the uncomfortableness was in due season. Cheers- to another chapter closed. Onto the next 🙂
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