Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love- you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer. -Eckhart Tolle
#blackbuns4ever
Seeking validation from others has always been a thing I struggle with. As I was spending time with God today, He spoke to me about my longing to seek approval. I constantly seek approval and validation from others whether consciously or subconsciously. I perform to get a scrap, a scrap that can last me for a little bit but the more and more validation I get the more and more I crave.
Not only do I seek approval and validation, I will do just about anything for it. I make it into a competition with myself, to strive to get the trophy at the end of the day- the satisfaction of hearing that I am valued and appreciated by people.
I am currently cringing as I am typing up this blog as I am exposing my heart and thoughts in this post. In the past, I would want to keep things to myself; why would I share this with someone? They may evoke their stamp of approval or validation from me. But after processing, I want to share this because, maybe, just maybe, this will resonate with some and allow them to be free from seeking approval of others.
“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.” -Neil Gaiman
God also put a maginfy glass on my heart about when I let people in or get close. I automatically and subconsciously put up walls and barriers to keep them out. I think this is due to the hurt I have experienced in the past. I have been hurt and rejected on numerous occasions by various people. In order to protect myself to keep myself afloat (remember I love to feel validated and appreciated; this is my drug of choice) – I will let you in just enough. We can have surface level conversations, but when it gets to vulnerable and real stuff- I will share what’s on my heart but then you better believe that I am running the opposite way.
I kept asking myself, why, over and over. On the World Race, I have been able to face similar situations with different people at different times and locations but where it all stems from the same issue. I knew I struggled with opening up and being vulnerable, but I never knew why. I needed the time, space, and constant situations to pop-up in order to process and ask myself the tough questions. I want to get to the root and bottom of this in order to be free.
So I ask myself- What’s the worst thing that could happen? I could become rejected or not win someone’s approval. OR what could happen if I choose to be myself? I will be able to be connected when I am open, honest and vulnerable. This will allow me to belong and get the freedom of being connected and having an intimate relationship with others.
xoxoxo
Till Next Time <3
