God’s been pretty funny recently. My squad & I just got out of a 34 hour layover in an airport in Portugal. Heck no, it wasn’t planned. It was actually only supposed to be an 8 hour layover, but God had other things in mind. & I’ve said it once & I’ll say it again praise God His plans are so much better! Because, once we got over the initial shock that our flight was canceled, rolled out our sleeping pads, & got some much needed sleep, we woke up fully confident that we were supposed to spend another day in this country for a reason. (Like maybe Portugal is country number 14???)
This past week, my squad, along with our wonderful leaders, mentors, & coaches, has been in the sweetest little surf town on the coast of Morocco debriefing our time in North Africa. To say it was an emotional week would be a massive understatement. There was so much vulnerability, so much learning, so much worshipping, & so much joy having been reunited with the rest of our people. The Holy Spirit was straight moving this past week & it was so cool to witness the growth happening within our squad.
But, if I’m being honest, leading up to this week I was feeling pretty far from the Lord. I knew He was near, but He was sure being quiet. No matter how hard I tried I just didn’t feel close. & you know that is never a fun feeling to have. On top of that my teammates were experiencing the Holy Spirit in such a real way. They were witnessing healings, getting specific words to tell people, & promptings from the Holy Spirit & I just wasn’t. I was getting encouraged by them & I truly believe that the Lord was using them to speak to me, but I didn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling Him myself, I didn’t understand why He was being so silent. Well good thing our relationship with Him isn’t contingent on our feelings right? (man, I would be in BIG trouble if that were true).
Flash forward to this morning, waking up on the airport floor to a ton of teammates who were PUMPED about these next 12 hours in this city. They declared, with so much faith, that this is what God had planned all along, that we were going to make a faith day out of it & watch as He works in crazy ways through us. Don’t get me wrong, I was super excited as well, it’s only month 3 & I’ve already seen the Holy Spirit work in wild ways, but a part of me was hesitant. I was getting really frustrated because how the heck could I do big things for God when I wasn’t even hearing from Him, when I felt so far from Him?
Well let me just tell you!!!
Before I could do anything I just knew I needed to spend some time with Him, so I pulled out my Bible & opened it to Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
& do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
& He will make your path straight.”
Recently I have been obsessed with the Lords promises found in His word & lately I’ve been clinging to this one. The past couple of weeks it has been written to me, spoken over me, put in devo’s that I’ve read, & has come up in several conversations. I mean obviously the Lord is trying to teach me something here, so on the floor in our little corner of the airport we now claimed I flipped to it & just gave it to the Lord.
& then I heard Him say “Why do you doubt?”
& I said “because I don’t understand. Why have you felt so far away? Why am I not hearing from you?”
& He responds “Landry, you are. Just not the ways you want. In order to hear the big things & do the big things you have to listen & heed to the small promptings. I have big plans for you Landry, but right now you have to figure out how to lean in to me. How to listen to my whispers, how to trust the small steps & how to give up your whole life, not just pieces, & align it to me.”
& there it was, so clear, on the dirty airport floor, He just wants me. These big dreams I have & God’s big plans for me are wonderful & beautiful, but when it comes down to it, He just wants me. He was whispering because He wanted me to lean in close. He wants me to stop trying so hard to understand & start trusting. He doesn’t just want me to acknowledge Him in some of my ways, but all of my ways. He wants an intimacy with me before He wants big & mighty things from me.
SO, I’m learning how to sit with Him & how to be still. How to share my days & desires with Him & how to give Him my whole life. I’m learning how to be content in the fact that, some days, the biggest & mightiest thing I could do for Him is to be content just sitting in His presence.
I think this next month will look a lot like that. I believe right now He’s calling me to press into Him in a whole new way. He already knows everything there is to know about me, but now it’s my turn to discover Him & who He is &, you guys, I’m so excited! There is no end to this discovery & I’m only just now figuring out what all of this looks like, but He’s already doing cool things through it all & showing me that “apart from Him, I can do nothing.” Man, I cannot wait for this season of abiding.
***We (finally) made it to North Cyprus!!! The Lord provided us with the most beautiful little home smack dab in between the beach & the mountains. While it is very different from Morocco we are so excited to explore this island & see all of the things God has in store here. My team is one of the first teams to be placed in North Cyprus, so this month is going to look a lot like researching & finding ministry partners for future World Race teams. We’re also looking to get plugged into the local church here & find opportunities to serve them in some way. So, if you could be praying for guidance & partners & local friendships it would truly be so appreciated!
