Recently I have been learning about myself that I love to be in control and that it bothers me when I’m not. I have found this a lot in the structure of the World Race. One big reason that I wanted to come on the race was to get out on my own and explore the world, but as I have been on the race I have felt restricted in a sense. At training camp during a time we had of practicing prophesying over each other, one of my teammates mentioned the game Tetris for me. I just now noticed what it really means for me and connected it to my life. In my life I feel like I am constantly trying to be the one to place the peices in my life and control what it is going to look like. I try to determine people’s intentions and their reactions in my mind, which is very unhealthy and often leads me to having low self esteem. I thought that the World Race would be a lot more free and less structured, but it isn’t, and I’m just gonna have to learn to be ok with that. Another area, besides control, that I have been struggling with lately is confidence and my own self image. Rejection is my biggest fear and I have a hard time with often feeling unheard. It’s not always other people that make me feel unheard though, but myself. I constantly feel like I am less than others and like what others have to say is more important than what I have to say. I always rank myself last in my mind and put myself down, but that’s not how the Father views me. He sees me as valuable and His son. He says that I am made in HIS image and I have his favor. Confidence is a HUGE area that God is growing me in, but I still doubt my worth often and care too much about what other people think of me. People constantly tell me how much they love me, but for some reason I always shrug it off and doubt that they actually mean what they say. I believe that the root of this problem is not relying on the love that God has for me and spending time in His presence like I should. Being intimate is so hard for me and is a constant struggle, so please be praying for me in that. Another way that you can pray for me is that I would stay focused in what I’m doing and not let these things or other things distract me from what God has for me. I really appreciate all of you and thanks for reading my blogs. Also, stay tuned for another post on Tuesday!
Yours in Christ,
Landon
