Last week was possibly one of the most emotional weeks that I have had on the race so far. One of our teammates, Ben, told us last Wednesday that he would be going home on Saturday. I was kind of shocked by this and I think I cried everyday Wednesday-Saturday. On Saturday morning we took him to the airport and dropped him off. We all got off of the bus, hugged him, said one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever had to say, and then got back on the bus. As soon as I sat down in my seat I lost it. I was a wreck and just depressed all day.
Throughout all of this I began to question why I’m even here and I was honestly mad at God. When I lived in Swaziland it was hard for me to make friends and keep the friends that I had from back home. It just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I have longed for this sense of community for so long. I have gotten really close to my team and Ben, and now I kind of feel like God is taking him away from me. I began to have questions like… Does God really want me here? Is it even worth pouring into people that might just leave? Does God even care about me?
My whole viewpoint was extremely selfish and Satan was just putting a ton of lies in my head. It wasn’t until yesterday morning that I came to peace with everything. We did an exercise where 3 people close their eyes and stand out in the yard, the other 3 people walk over to a person. The person with their eyes would just see what God had to say about the person in front of them (they don’t know who it is, because their eyes are still closed). As I was standing there, he began to say something like this… You are CHOSEN to be here. Don’t doubt why you are here, because God has a purpose for you being here. You make more of an impact than you think. You are thinking about home alot and miss it, but He wants you here. Sometimes spending time with God like in devotions is hard, but he wants to meet you.
This blew me away. I feel like that spoke directly to me and was exactly what I needed. Going into the whole prophecy thing, I was still skeptical and it’s really uncomfortable, but I chose into it, and God was able to do something really cool through it.
Some ways that you can be praying for me this week are for me to have a renewed desire for ministry and to be on the race. Also, for my squad, team, and I to continue seeking God even in the hard times. I now only have ONE teammate who is not fully funded. Zach Trest still has about $2,000 left to raise. He is so special to our team and really needs you to help him. So, go check out his blog (zachtrest.theworldrace.org) and youtube (Zach Trest) to see his journey. God is doing cool things in his life, and I believe that He has so much more.
Thank you all for your support and for reading my blogs.
Yours in Christ,
Landon Mullins
