Before I say anything else, I guess I want all you readers to know that I have been wrestling with this blog post for about two weeks, which is a pretty long time for a blog, especially since I’m supposed to write once a week (sorry AIM!). Even sitting here, I’m not really sure how this is going to end but whatever it is, it needs to be said.
First things first, you should know that my World Race account is short by about $3000. Yeah, that is a lot of money. To make it better, my deadline to get these funds is April 1st. Yeah, you read that right, I’m one week and 3000 dollars away from continuing my Race. But, before you quit reading, I’ll have you know that is blog is less about asking for money and more about my journey with Jesus.
The World Race has been amazing. I’m only three months in and I feel like I have grown so much even though I know I have so much to work on in the next 8 months. Jesus has given me the opportunity to do so many amazing things and meet so many amazing people. But, along with all the great things that come with the Race, it has also come with its challenges. One of which, obviously, would be that I need to raise over 15,500 dollars to be fully funded. I remember sitting on my coach, forever ago it seems like, praying about fundraising and, although I am a natural worrier, I distinctly remember telling Jesus that I was not going to worry about the money and that I was going to trust in Him and wait on His timing. That seemed so easy at the time. I was months away from Launch and the Race seemed like another life. Of course I would wait on Jesus. Waiting on Jesus is what hardcore Christians do. Oh, but here is the deal, I don’t feel like a hardcore Christian and I’m terrible at waiting. I know that people would tell me that “Waiting on God is the best kind of waiting”. I know thats true and I also know that God is good and giving and faithful but, if I’m really truly honest, that doesn’t make me feel any better; not when I’m so far from my goal. Waiting on Jesus is not like waiting on other things because Jesus can tell me no and Jesus can choose whether or not He wants to provide. Fundraising is something that I wanted to control. I wanted to make sure it happened because, if I let myself down, that would be far less painful than Jesus letting me down. Jesus is a persistent guy though and, even though I was so scared, I let Him have the wheel when He asked for it. Despite myself, I chose to trust Jesus. I trusted that He would provide the money. He had already provided for my first two deadlines, why would He bring me so far only to let me fall? Launch rolled around, I had received promises about donations and I left America filled with hope.
The first month on the race was great, I was still over three months away from April, and that was plenty of time for God to provide the money. Not many donations came in that month, but that was fine! People were supporting me, people were promising me that they were going to support me and I was feeling hopeful. Month two felt a little bit closer and the amount in my account wasn’t really getting any bigger but my deadline still felt miles and miles away and, even though the promised donations were not coming in yet, I kept waiting, kept trusting. Month three gets here, now its starting to feel a little too close for comfort. Four weeks is still a long time though, God can bring in $3000 in three weeks. So I keep waiting, keep trusting and now I sit here, one week away from April 1st and my account is only three hundred dollars closer to the deadline than it was at the beginning of the month. At this point, my trust is wavering. Shouldn’t I be rewarded for my actions? I have been trusting Jesus for months now, I haven’t been fundraising as much because I really felt called to completely rely on Jesus and His goodness but still, the money is coming in only small trickles. What about His promise? He told me He was going to provide, I had people that had promised to donate, but now it wasn’t looking so concrete. Maybe those promises couldn’t be kept, at least not before this deadline. I felt foolish, like I shouldn’t have trusted in it at all. This is what I was afraid of; afraid of the Lord letting me down. I have felt myself wondering why I chose to get out of the boat, when I could have stayed safe inside.
But Jesus never lets us down, does He? God is not a god of giving up and He is not a god of failures. I serve a Jesus who loves radically, stays faithfully and gives generously. I serve a God who calls His disciples into unknown territory. I guess that is why I got out of the boat, that is why I still wait on Jesus because, if you keep your eyes on Him, despite the waves and despite the storm and the fear, He lets us walk on water.
So, I still choose to wait. I choose to rely on Jesus. Even when it looks crazy and people might tell me otherwise, I choose to trust Him. I will wait as long as He needs me to, believing that with Him, I can do all things, and that includes raising $3000 in one week! I don’t know how it is going to look, but I trust in God’s provision. It might look the way I expected, maybe those promised donations will be able to go through this week but, it could look completely different. No matter what, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I know that I’m supposed to be on this Race in this season. I know that I’m called to be here; to love on the orphans, pray for the needy and spread the love of Jesus. Jesus, more than anyone, knows what I need and I know that I can trust in Him more than I can trust in anyone else.
So, I’m asking you to pray for me. Pray that I will continue to keep my eyes on Jesus this week. This will be the most trying week of the Race so far, but I want to continue to wait on Jesus everyday. God is a father who keeps His promises, and I want to be able to say that I trusted Jesus until the very last possible second. I want to say that I trusted in Jesus even when it looked crazy to every one else. If you feel led to donate to my Race, so that I can keep serving all around the world, please feel free too. I seriously appreciate every single donation; big or small. I’m thankful for every person that has donated so far and for every person that will donate in the future. You can donate online by hitting the “Support Me” tab on the left side of the page. Please pray for me as well, though. Pray that the promised donations can come through this week, pray that people who feel called to give will give and pray for my faith. Thank you so much for reading this, I’m excited to be able to share with you all, one week from now, about how God showed up in crazy ways this week! God Bless you all, my friends!
